I am grateful for five minute friday that gives me a five minute window scheduled into my day where I am allowed to actually SIT down and just type. Type type type. Something I love to do, but something I so do not have time for these days. I would love to own an old typewriter that I can actually type on. Something about it seems so romantic and innocent. Pure. I just love to write. Even if it's nonsensical writing, as I seem to be doing presently in my sleep-deprived, distracted state.
The past couple of months have been extremely trying for me. I have worked harder than I've ever worked before - and I've always been a hard worker, staying busy for 16 hours a day or more, so that's saying something! I have been stressed and panicked and worried and lonely and scared and uncertain in the midst of all of this. And, at the height of it all, when I could bare it no longer, I finally collapsed, literally, and ended up in the hospital. I learned a lesson. I learned I need to lean on someone. Someone in particular. I learned to count on our Heavenly Father in ALL things. I always think I can do it all, be it all, and all by myself with no help or support from anybody. I learned that our strength does not come from being solitary, but by leaning on our Heavenly Father and, through the grace of our Savior, we find strength to bare all things. One day I collapsed onto my knees into prayer. It had been a long time since I had said a personal, heartfelt prayer. My day is so caught up in kids that my prayers are usually the ones at mealtimes with the children or at their bedside at night. I hadn't realized that I had lost my personal connection with the Lord. As I humbly prayed and cried and pleaded for help and strength, I felt a flood of relief go through my body. I opened my eyes feeling refreshed and cleansed and hopeful. Within a couple of hours, friends that had NO idea what I was going through (because I was going to do it all on my own, damn it!) were calling and texting asking if they could help me out with the kids that week. Wow. I was amazed at that quick communication out of no where, and I knew I was being watched over. Furthermore, a lady I have only ever met twice in my life, a lady who was like a mission "mom" to Jordan out when he was a missionary in Kentucky, sent me a random Facebook message telling me that she felt inspired to write to me and tell me that I was an amazing wife and mother and that the Lord loved me and that she knew I must be busy, maybe even busier than I hoped to be, but to know that through it all, people notice the good work that I'm doing and that my family appreciates me and that she is grateful to know me. It was so completely random! I hadn't shared anything about my personal life on Facebook. Jordan and I had not had any contact with her in months, and here she was pouring her heart out telling me exactly what I needed to hear to feel strong, to feel like I could go on. Then, as I was hit with more and more, including a flood in the basement during a three-day flash flood in Maryland, I made a new friend who helped lift me even more. We had only ever met in passing at church, but she had offered to loan me her dehumidifier. When I went over to pick it up, we ended up have a two-hour chat about everything and nothing as the kids all ran around the yard and played. I didn't tell her about my awful month or the stress I was going through. We just talked, like old friends would, and laughed, and I realized that I really need to make more time for friendships. It was such a stress-reducer to have someone to share a beautiful spring day with. I was so grateful to make this new friendship in the midst of my chaos. Friendship is such a beautiful thing and I think we so often forget how important it is when we get caught up in all of the to-dos as moms. I made a goal right then and there to make a point of building more meaningful relationships with the people around me. To open up and be a friend. All of that other "stuff" is so much easier to bear with friends by your side.
I am grateful for inspiration. For friendships. For not having to do it all alone. For the gift of this life... even the hard times. For a Heavenly Father and a Savior who give me strength through prayer. For the Holy Ghost that guides me, even when I choose not to listen. For learning experiences that give me wisdom. For this moment. For you.
Stop.
