It's Five-Minute-Friday on a Tuesday

It has been one of those crazy times where the weekend just flew by too fast and one week just merged into the next without skipping a beat.  And the server is broken on the Lisa-Jo site.  So, I procrastinated.  And here I am.

Topic:  Broken

Go!

Broken...
bones
hearts
signals
promises
pencils
crayons
lamps
guitar
tune
nail
toe
spirits
home
speech
man
(woman)
humanity
window
system
town
clown
frown
record
old junk
mirror
back
egg
wave
song
heel
circle
flow
train of thought

Stop.

Which one resonates with you?  At this moment?  In your life?  At this moment, I feel like broken thoughts and broken crayons define this moment.  I wanted to keep this post simple.  My life could use some simplicity.

 

Belong

It's Five-Minute-Friday! 

Topic:  Belong

Go!

I have been and continue to be a member of several groups and organizations.  But I don't necessarily feel like I "belong." 

I am a member of the Larsen family, but I haven't always felt like I was a Larsen.  At times I even wondered if I might have been adopted.  I just felt different, somehow.  I felt like the odd one out. 

I had groups of friends throughout my life where I felt kind of like the outsider or the fifth wheel as everyone else would pair up with their best friends and I just wanted to branch out and be friends with everybody. 

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and although my beliefs are strong, I haven't always felt like I belonged there, either. 

I went to BYU, and I certainly didn't feel like I belonged there.  I kept wondering, "where do I belong?  What is my purpose, anyhow?"  I changed my major a hundred times.  I changed schools.  I kept searching. 

After I got married, my husband and I ran off to Iowa for a semester for a soccer scholarship.  I tried out for a dance team just to get the scholarship... It was fun, but, still, I didn't feel like I belonged.

After we had our first baby, I joined the MOMS Club.  I loved getting together with other moms in my small town of Blacksburg, VA, where we were living at the time, but somehow I didn't really belong there either.  I wasn't quite at ease in that tiny town, I wanted to keep moving, I had to get out and move on.  I wasn't quite ready to be at a point of settling down into a routine.

We moved to Fayetteville, NC where I joined different Meet-up groups in the area for military moms.  It was a great way to make friends and have support, but I still hadn't found my niche.  I joined Stroller Strides, made great friends, enjoyed the outdoors of NC while exercising, but I was still seeing myself as an outsider, someone who would move on soon. 

We moved to the D.C. area, and I joined the Oakleaf Club (for military medical wives), and instantly decided I certainly did NOT belong to that group. 

Where do I belong??? 

I became a member of a gym, here, but don't always feel like I belong.  I go to work out amongst the retired population, because that is who is there mid-morning, and they don't always appreciate my bunch of noisy children that I bring with me through the hallways.   That goes for the grocery store, as well.  The elderly people in this town do not take kindly to children.  I always feel like an outcast here.  There are not many stay-at-home moms in this region.  I was invited to dance with an international dance group.  I feel a connection with these women through our love of dance, but, being the only one with kids, I still feel like I didn't quite belong.  I always have to turn down their offers to go out to lunch or to evening concerts, etc. because I am a busy mom of three young children.

All of these groups have offered me something in the way of feeling connections and friendships, but I still never quite... belonged.

Then, I thought about it.  Where do I really belong?  Like REALLY. 

At the end of a long, frustrating day, as I sit down to read to my children and they all huddle up close and fight over who gets to sit in my lap, I feel ultimate love and acceptance and I most certainly belong there.  After I kiss them and put them to bed, I go downstairs and my husband takes me into his arms in a loving embrace and I just melt.  I certainly belong there.  There's no where else that I feel more love.  There's no where else that I feel more belonging.  I belong here, alongside my man, raising these children, enveloped in love.

Stop.

"I belong to you... and you belong to me"

The Art of Doing... Nothing

Summertime brings back a flood of memories from my youth, namely from the good ol' days of high school and college.   Swimming, eating popsicles, listening to music, laughing about dumb things, going on rambling walks through the canyon, or UP the canyon if we felt so inclined.  (Ha ha... just caught that pun.  Sorry for that.) 

Some of my most cherished memories are those moments that were seemingly uneventful, but ever-so-significant - those small moments of time where a friend and I just sat in the sun eating a popsicle and talking while listening to Tom Petty songs.  I have very fond memories of doing nothing.  And, I think my best friendships were built upon those moments.  Those moments of driving aimlessly in the car because everything was closed for the night and we just weren't ready to go home, or sitting next to the lake after an evening of cliff-jumping just to watch the sun go down.  I kind of miss the freedom to just do absolutely nothing.  Because nothing was really quite something!  90% of the time I was working or studying or accomplishing something, and then I truly felt alive when I would finally just STOP and breathe and take in life all around me by doing nothing.  You should try it some time.  It's fabulous!

I was thinking about it today as I watched my children eat popsicles and splash in the kiddie pool at our neighborhood health club.  My first inclination was to tell them to hurry and finish up so we could go home.  But, then I stopped myself.  Why hurry?  We're always rushing to the next thing, we're always doing something.  Why not just stop for a moment and just be?  I smiled and thought to myself, "I want to make sure they have as many of those playful, meandering moments in their childhood as possible."  Life will always be so rushed and so busy.  I want to teach them the art of enjoying life, so they can appreciate the beauty and the friendships around them in those very significant moments suspended in time.

Because, after all is said and done, I regret the moments where I didn't just sit and enjoy everything around me more. 

In the midst of our busy, chaotic schedules, my husband and I never even get to finish a sentence when talking to each other.  There's always a pager going off, or a kid making a demand, um, I mean... request, or a timer going off on the oven.  There have been way too many instances of having to stop mid-sentence and hollering over our shoulders, "I'll finish telling you later!..." as life drags us off in separate directions.  Even in the midst of typing this blog post, ironically enough, Jordan called from work and the kids kept interrupting as I tried to have a conversation with him.  I asked him what he thought of having a night of eating sushi and relaxing and having fun and not planning anything... just doing nothing.  He was all for it for five whole seconds before he was told he had to rush over to assist on a surgery.  Doing nothing will have to wait.  But, I tell you what, all these years of being students and going through a long surgical residency makes me want to move to a little cabin on the lake in a small town and just truly enjoy life once and for all.  Last summer in Maine was bliss.  I want that lifestyle.  And why not?  Who can tell us we can't do that?!

I miss my husband.  So, enough is enough.  I'm planning a date with my husband where nothing is planned.  We just go do nothing together and see where it takes us.  I'm unsure of how it will go... one or both of us always tries to be productive... But, no, we will fight that urge and just be lazy and free and enjoy doing nothing for once! 

It's Five-Minute-Friday! Topic: Present

Go!

I am giddy at this concept of just getting to write.  Anything?!  I don't have an agenda or the worry of getting it just right and going back and editing again and again.  Thank goodness for instant spellcheck!  After spending so much time in college classes, this is such a breath of fresh air.  And here I am not even able to stay on topic because I'm so ecstatic!

But, in this moment, I am certainly PRESENT.  I feel it in my eyes as they glisten with utter happiness.  I feel it in my heart as I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my life and my family and my friends and this wonderful sense of community all around me no matter where I go in life.  I find it when I look for it.  Too often I get so caught up in everything else.  Way too caught up in the tangles of what was going on yesterday or what is going on tomorrow, forgetting to appreciate this moment in front of my very eyes.

My sweet little 3-year-old is asking me for a marshmallow with her big, blue eyes and then pitter-patters across the kitchen to go get it as I holler for her to wait.  Then she rebounds with a plea to have fruit snacks.  She wants me to be present.  She wants me to see her.  I see her.  I do.  I love her.  I love all of my sweet children.  And I know the best thing I can ever do for them is to live in every present moment with them, exploring the adventure of life together.  The dandelions blowing in the wind.  The bubbles popping in the grass.  The sidewalk chalk all over our hands.  Laughing, singing, without a care in the world because it's bliss.

Stop.