Day 14: "A TV show you're currently addicted to"

I don't watch TV.

I just don't.

I know it's strange. And it's not that I find anything wrong with TV. Oftentimes people roll their eyes and don't believe me or think I'm exaggerating. "No TV? You have to watch SOME TV! Everybody watches SOMETHING." Nope. I really don't. Why, you might ask? It's simple - I just don't enjoy it. I guess there are multiple factors for this "oddity" of no television in my life. For one, I am perpetually busy and like to stay busy (not any more busy than everyone else, but I just don't make TV a part of my downtime, I guess), and the act of sitting down to watch a television show is more stressful than it is relaxing. For another, I don't like flipping channels trying to find something interesting to watch. It really rakes on my nerves. And, finally, I have a really difficult time sitting still and enjoying it.

Every now and then we buy episodes of Seinfeld or The Office or something, and then we watch it like a movie in the late evening hours while we fold laundry or eat a snack or play a game or study. So, it's not even that I don't like what's on TV. There are some funny shows out there that I really enjoy. I just don't like the act of sitting down, flipping on the TV, finding a show to watch, and sitting there to watch it.

There has been exactly one moment in my adult life where there was an exception to this. When Beckham was about a year old he was taking very predictable naps for an hour every morning and two hours every afternoon. In the morning, I would put him down for a nap, take a shower, and right about then Gilmore Girls would come on. It was my first time ever seeing the show, and I found it cute and witty. I started to make a ritual of watching it every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning (because on the other days we had a mom and baby swim class). I had this whole routine down. I would put Beckham down for his morning nap, shower and get dressed, turn on the television, watch for a few minutes while I cleaned the kitchen, go put on my makeup during a commercial, come back and watch while straightening up the living room, go do my hair during a commercial, come back and watch while painting my nails or folding laundry, etc... I started to really enjoy this hour of my morning each day. I can definitely see how someone can get into a show and look forward to watching it regularly. But, it was short-lived. By the time Beckham gave up his morning naps, I was back to no TV.

It's obscure and quirky in this day and age to not be up to date with the majority of pop culture that comes from watching television, but so far I haven't missed it.

Day 13: favorite music...in general...

The actual posting was supposed to be "my favorite musician and why." I thought about it... and I kept getting that image of Owen Wilson in Zoolander when he says, "Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that."

And that kind of sums it up for me when it comes to trying to pinpoint my absolute favorite musician.


I love music. I have always loved music. When I was a little girl, I would write my own songs and perform them out on my swingset. When I wished upon a star, I actually wished to be a rock star. And, growing up in the '80s, I was totally wishing to be a pink-haired glam rocker just like Jem. Do you remember the Jem dolls? They were a lot like Barbie only even more hugely out of proportion. They were probably the predecessor to Bratz dolls, come to think of it. And they were my inspiration when I was a 6-year-old little girl. Too bad for everyone I didn't follow through with that particular dream, ha ha!


Anyhow, I'm getting side-tracked. I also love music because I love to dance... Call me a nerd, but any kind of classical music still gets me excited to throw on my leotard and tights and run to the ballet barre to be scrutinized by some hoity toity instructor that walks around telling you to tighten your butt and point your toes and lift your torso. Tchaikovsky has always held a special place in my heart.


But, speaking of modern music I love to listen to day to day, well, that all depends. I love any music that reminds me of Jordan, for one. Third Eye Blind has been a huge part of our past. Jordan always makes me CDs to express himself, and a Third Eye Blind song inevitably makes it onto the lineup about 80% of the time. The music really speaks to me. It's poetic and feeling. I feel like they're not afraid to just put themselves out there and play it how they feel it. When Jordan and I broke up back in high school, it was a Third Eye Blind song that brought me to tears over him. When we got back together and he left on his mission, it was a Third Eye Blind song that made me miss him and look forward to his return. While we were dating after his mission, it was a Third Eye Blind song that helped him to express his feelings for me. And, ironically enough, while he was gone on his mission another guy made me a CD and made the mistake of putting a Third Eye Blind song on there, making me think only of Jordan. That guy didn't stand a chance! (Then again, no guy stood a chance. Unless they were an exact replica of Jordan, I just wasn't going to fall for them, and even then I probably would have done away with the replica, calling him a copycat.) So, yeah, Third Eye Blind definitely goes in the top 10 for favorite music.


Recently I have also fallen in love with Mumford & Sons. I heard Little Lion Man and I cannot tell you how much it moved me. What surprised me most is that they swear quite a bit throughout the chorus, and I hate swearing, but it was so poetic and beautiful that I wouldn't change a thing about it. In fact, I thought about downloading the radio edit version and decided against it - it would change the entire emotion to the song. I get goosebumps just thinking of it. If you ever get a chance, give it a listen. Along with their other music, of course.

And, don't forget the music of the WWII era. I love it all. There is a certain energy there, and an innocence you just don't find in today's music. See below for my Andrews Sisters post - that song brings a smile to my face every time.

Since I can't concisely tell you about ALL of my favorite music (obviously, by the size of this post already), I will finish by listing a few other artists that I love, in no particular order: Alkaline Trio, Dropkick Murpheys, Flogging Molly, The Pogues, Red Hot Chili Peppers... I'm going to have to add to this later because I have to attend to two cute little munchkins right now and my brain has just switched over to mom mode just like that. If I continue, you're going to start getting some obscure artists on here that my kids like instead of what I like. If you're curious about what music I like, you can always scroll down to the bottom of our blog where I have placed our music player. We add to it periodically, and love suggestions of great new music (because, frankly, we are turning into old people that still listen to music that came out when we were in high school... just like our parents did.... and their parents before them).

The word of the day: Nice

Today was just one of those days where everything fell together perfectly. Which was a nice break from my streak of bad luck with nothing coming together at all! I woke up five minutes before my alarm even went off, which was set earlier than usual because I had a busy morning planned. I love waking up to the rain rather than an annoying alarm. Rain is my favorite kind of weather. It was nice. The baby happened to be awake in her crib, but not crying. Also nice. As I was feeding the baby, Beckham came in as happy as could be and cuddled up next to me. Very nice indeed. I just knew it was going to be a great day. We all went down and had a healthy breakfast. We all got ready for the day without the usual chaos. I didn't have to argue with Beckham once about getting his teeth brushed and his shoes on. We left the house five minutes early, even! And it goes on like this! I dropped off Beckham for Joy School and this time he wanted to hold my hand as we walked up to the door. (Usually he is too cool and runs off without looking back). I drove to the gym and dropped off Ava with a very nice lady in the childcare room. After talking with this lady for a few minutes, a light bulb seemed to turn on in her head as she excitedly told me of her ah-ha moment... "You have so much energy and are so in love with kids, you should be a kindergarten teacher." I smiled sheepishly and informed her that I had actually been looking into doing just that as soon as my kids were in school. She couldn't have been more thrilled! It was so fun seeing someone I had just barely met get so excited over some detail of my life. It was, (yes, you guessed it) nice! I had my initial assessment done today with the personal trainer at the gym since I just signed up for a membership. It turns out that he lived in Blacksburg and went to Virginia Tech at the same time that we were living down there. Kind of random. Anyhow, I'm not as in good of shape as I would like to be (I always wish I could be in the best shape of my life and wow the crowds with my ability to lift a car over my head and run 10 miles without breaking a sweat, har har), but overall the trainer was impressed with my fitness levels and it was reassuring to hear that I'm right where I need to be with weight and body fat percentage but just need to work on strength and endurance. Nice! I picked up Ava from her play area, I picked up Beckham from Joy School, and we all went home for a very relaxing lunchtime, followed by a very long nap for the baby (meaning that I got all of my cleaning done!). I couldn't believe how well the day was going! As soon as the baby woke up we loaded up in the car and drove downtown to run some errands. As I drove, the director of a Masters program for Early Childhood Education called me. He had contacted me a few months ago and was just following up with me, today of all days, about getting certified to teach Kindergarten. Sometimes I feel like I need that reassuring nudge - that help from fate to lead me in the direction I need to go. I spent 20 minutes on the phone with this guy discussing all that the program has to offer and about my options since we will be moving quite a lot. In the course of our conversation, he learned that I am currently living in Maryland and he informed me that his office was actually located in Maryland about 15 minutes from where I live. He was able to answer all of my questions about reciprocity and getting additional certifications to open doors to other avenues within teaching, etc. It was like a breath of fresh air. All day seemed to go on like that (minus the one timeout I had to put Beckham in for hurting his sister, but even then I felt like he was listening to me and a little while later, after he had time to think about it, he told me, "Mom, I want to apologize for hurting Ava." So precious!) It was so relaxed, yet productive. At one point I stopped in the rain and just stood there, taking it all in. I need more days like this one. It was the perfect reminder that life doesn't have to be chaotic ALL of the time. It was... nice.

Day 12: Photos of our neck of the woods...

The Potomac River is truly magical this time of year. Every time I cross over it or drive along the parkway, I envy those out kayaking on the water with the autumn leaves floating down. For being next to such a large city, it somehow manages to maintain its grandeur. One day as I drove along the parkway, I couldn't take my eyes off the beautiful trees and decided to pull over into a parking area alongside the river. As I stared ahead in awe, my son dropped his pants and peed on a tree. I didn't realize what was going on, of course, until a foreign tourist in a rental car next to me started laughing and pointing in my direction.

Maryland has this surreal quality about it. It is a very populated, metropolitan region full of bustling cities. Fairly close together you have metropolitan cities such as Washington D.C., Baltimore, Alexandria, Arlington, Fairfax, and then all of the outlying cities that are also pretty large such as Silver Spring, Rockville, Columbia, Tysons Corner, Kensington, and so on. Yet, you can drive just a few miles in any direction and you feel like you are in suburbia. The landscapes of winding roads and open fields are absolutely serene. You can completely forget that you are in a city with some of the worst rush-hour traffic in the country as soon as you're outside of the city. And I mean AS SOON as you're outside of the city. We live about 10 miles outside of downtown D.C., yet we feel like we are in the countryside. It's beautiful here. I found this Maryland photo online, but it very accurately represents what the streets look like up where I live. On my way to church, the gym, or the nature center, this is what kind of road I drive on each and every day.

I always wanted to live somewhere with tree-lined streets. I used to love the beginning of the Cosby Show precisely because it would show the townhouses lined up with the canopy of trees over the road. This photo is of Capitol Hill in D.C., but most of the streets here look like this one. I would have taken a photo of my own street, but we have some road construction going on and the orange barrels don't do much for the scenery at the moment. In fact, I need to post some photos of our first house sometime soon! As soon as I unpack those final boxes and hang up those final pictures, I will get some photos up here. Give me until Christmas :)

Day 11: What's in my makeup bag?!?!

Any guys out there can just roll their eyes and skip this one.

So this one seemed a little goofy to me at first... I mean, does anyone really care what is in my makeup bag? But, then again, I actually like to see what products other women swear by and get ideas for new makeup to use (especially since it has been awhile since I ventured out and tried something different). I used to adore my makeup time, not because I cared that much about my personal appearance, but because it relaxed me. I would slowly put on my makeup like it was a meditative ritual of relaxing breaths and introspective contemplation. It was the one part of the day where I got to stand still. Now I find myself quickly putting on my makeup while I juggle getting the kids ready for the day, getting the diaper bag packed, cleaning up any breakfast dishes, changing the laundry, and running out the door. So, my makeup routine has become extremely simplified, to say the least. Here is what I have in my makeup bag:



Moisturize, protect against sun damage with an SPF 30, and offer your skin super-smooth, flawless, radiant tone in one easy step. I swear by this stuff. I am all about multi-tasking.



Perfect for living in a humid area, this ultra fine powder (aka "mineral veil") keeps you from getting shiny without giving your skin that cakey, powdery look.



A great blush for achieving a natural glow... I usually use the middle color on the apples of my cheeks and the lightest color as a highlighter on my jaw bone and cheek bones and sometimes my brow bone if I'm in too big of a rush to apply eye shadow.



This eye-liner by Clinique is a really pretty, shimmery brown - it kind of reminds me of nutmeg, although it is called "brown sugar." It really brings out blue eyes, so I highly recommend it if you fall in this category. It goes on so smooth that you can do a fine line, or apply a little more and smudge it. Because it's so smooth, it doesn't tug at the delicate skin around the eye. And it never smudges into the creases under your eyes. Even in humidity. That is saying a lot when you live in the south during an especially sultry day.



I can't pinpoint what makes this lip gloss so wonderful, but I have fallen in love with it. I have a hard time finding the perfect color for my lips - something versatile that can be worn at the gym, the park, the mall, or on a date. But, I found this Sugar Plum lipgloss by Bare Minerals, via a free sample, and just had to go out and buy it. It's a very pretty berry color with a slight deep purple hue (instead of that metallic silvery purple that I stay away from at all costs because it makes me look like a robot). It also goes on smooth instead of sticky. It looks great worn dark or blotted/muted. It does come off when you kiss your little ones' cheeks, so beware of that. Otherwise, perfect lip gloss in every way.

So, there you have it... I also wear eye shadow and mascara but have yet to find a product that I swear by, so I didn't add those to the list. I usually just buy some kind of neutral eye shadow that can cover up the perpetual exhaustion and brighten up my bloodshot, tired eyes ...and I'm a sucker for a mascara that claims to not smudge and to look and feel natural. If you have any tips, I'd love to hear them! I could use a few pointers on how to update my makeup bag :)

Day 10: My favorite places to eat...

One of the great things about moving a lot is that you get to discover all of the new exciting things to do in each city and you have a whole new array of restaurants to choose from. One of the annoying things about moving a lot is that you have to figure out which of these restaurants are even worth going to. We like to find little family-owned restaurants, usually a quaint little place with amazing food and a peaceful atmosphere. In Blacksburg, Virginia we found Cafe de Bangkok... amazing Thai food! We also found a very lovely Indian Restaurant that had fabulous food at great prices and there was never a wait. In Fayetteville, North Carolina we discovered a small sushi restaurant, Sukura, that was the size of my kitchen. In fact, it was such an intimate setting, that the hostess would seat you right next to another couple at their table if it happened to be a busy night. Best sushi I've ever had. Now we are in the greater DC area. There are thousands of restaurants to choose from and I don't even know where to begin. I think I'm going to start by trying out the two above - an Indian restaurant in Georgetown and a Greek restaurant in Capitol Hill. I love all Moroccan, Indian, Thai, Japanese, Greek, Italian,and Mediterranean foods. I'm a sucker for any colorful foods with a lot of kick. In fact, just last week we went to an alumni party at Geppetto's - a Mediterranean restaurant that featured things like Mango Chicken (which is the only dish I can remember because that is what I happened to order). That place was nice, but a little too pricey for us. Lucky for us, the school was paying for our meal. We like to find a restaurant where we feel like we're getting quality food at a steal of a price. In fact, I can't get Jordan to eat with me somewhere if he feels like he's getting too little food for too much money. He's going to be one of those old men who live for the early bird buffet! Ha ha! Old man Jordan. Gotta love him.

Day 9: The last item I purchased...

The last item I purchased was a very comfy pair of new yoga pants... and right before that, a gym membership featuring an amazing yoga instructor. I love exercise, but being a mom of young children on top of being pretty transient over the past year, it has been difficult for me to find regularly scheduled exercise time. Don't get me wrong, I love running after my wild kid at the park and toting laundry up and down two flights of stairs load after load after load and toting all of that baby gear from here to there and there to here - it keeps me in shape and I must say that my biceps have never been so toned. However, it is a little difficult to consider those activities exercise in the sense that I am looking for. I love to leave a good workout dripping sweat and walking on air. I love to leave a good workout revived - breathing easier, moving more freely, feeling like I can take on the world. I love to leave a good workout feeling like I've accomplished a better me. Exercise makes me a better mom. It makes me feel free, relaxed, empowered... it makes me feel alive. And, bonus!, it makes all of that laundry hauling and baby gear toting a much easier job! Best gift I could give myself at this time in my life. Namaste.

Day 8: A song to fit my mood #1

I'm in a peppy mood, and a nostalgic mood, and a patriotic mood... I just can't get enough of this song on days like today. It makes me want to start swing dancing in the middle of the kitchen.

Day 8: A song to fit my mood #2

I blame my profession - the never-ending job of being a stay-at-home mom catapults songs like this into my world. And it happens to fit my mood today anyway, so now you get a sneak peak into my twisted world. Two nights ago, I was browsing movies on my netflix and I almost chose a kid cartoon to watch, partly out of habit of doing everything to please the kids and partly because I actually LIKE some of these kid shows. I find them endearing. Maybe this is just a sick phase I am going through since my whole life revolves around kid activities, but the more I think about it, the more I think I would enjoy being a kindergarten teacher. Or maybe it has just been a really long time since I've had frequent adult interaction. Either way, this is my theme song at this moment. I wish it were something really intellectual and cool, or at least something to rock out to... but, nope. This is it.

Day 8: A song to fit my mood #3

Seriously, this song also kind of fits my mood right now.

Day 7: My Dream Vacation

Machu Picchu, Peru

I love history, anthropology/archaeology, the outdoors, and adventure. I would love to hike up to these ancient Peruvian ruins some day. Sigh... I think I'm in love.

Day 6: photo of a pet I'd like to have some day...

This is a photo of a pet Jordan would be thrilled to have some day. Considering that this pet could eat our children and neighbor's children and any other pets we might have, it will just have to be his fantasy. In a few years, when we aren't living in the city and we actually have room for a pet to run around outside, I think we'll get a dog. We don't have a specific breed in mind - we like big sporting dogs. Beckham keeps telling me that he is going to get two dogs when he grows up... we'll see. He's usually right about these things. After all, he told us that he was going to have a baby sister and look how that turned out :)

Day 5: Photos from two years ago

These photos were taken in October 2008, exactly two years ago. Beckham looks so young - like a chubby little toddler - in these pictures. We were such good buddies - always laughing and playing together. There were so many changes going on with the constant moving and Jordan being gone a lot with school but no matter what was going on in our whirlwind lives, we were always learning to be a family together. I had never been a mom before, so it was all new to me. Beckham was discovering all that life had to offer and testing his limits, teaching me so much about seeing life through a child's eyes and being patient. I really focused a lot on making sure he got to experience everything. I wanted him to know what it felt like to run in the rain, play in the ocean, climb hay bales, jump down grassy hills, you name it. We were always out doing something. He was my adventure buddy. I'm a little sad to say that aspect of our lives has changed a little bit more than I'd like. With the addition of a second child to the family - who we love and adore and are happy to have in our family, don't get me wrong - we have a little less time for adventure. Instead more time is spent frantically searching for a missing shoe or getting both kids fed and teeth brushed and out the door on time without forgetting important things like diapers and sanity. I feel bad because Beckham plays alone a lot while I attend to diaper changing and feeding the baby. But, he doesn't seem to mind his alone time, and I try to make up for it by giving us some special time together when it's just the two of us. While the baby is napping we do some pretty random things, like build a train out of cardboard boxes (and it was a pretty elaborate train, too! It had wheels, a steering wheel, a seat for the conductor, seats for the passengers, doors to get into the train cars, a steam pipe, and even a Percy face to make it look like Beckham's most beloved cartoon train). I try to take them out to baby-friendly events like the apple orchard, or train rides through the woods, etc. But, sometimes I feel just a hint of guilt, like I'm just not doing as much for him as I used to. Then again, the experiences we are having now, of giving him a sibling to grow up with and teaching him to share his time and his toys and even his food - well, those experiences are priceless. I sure do love these kids. Have I said that already? I feel like I can't say it enough.


Okay, so this next one is not the best photo, per se, but I chose it because it shows a few key changes since then. I have since upgraded to two different jogging strollers - one of them a double to accommodate TWO little munchkins instead of one. And this photo shows precisely what I was doing a lot of two years ago. With only one kid to manage and sharing a car with Jordan (who was out of town doing an away rotation during the month of October in 2008), I took a lot of walks in order to just get out of the house. A lot. We had just moved to Fayetteville, NC - the city with absolutely no sidewalks. But, that didn't stop me from finding all sorts of funky ways to get from point A to point B. Having a high-energy 2-year-old at the time, it was far better for me to get him out of the house for a nice long walk, followed by a nice long adventure at the park, which inevitably led to a nice long nap for him and study time for me. I really took for granted how simple it was to have only one child. In fact, I think I complained a lot about how busy I was all the time and how much work it was to be a full-time mom. Oh, I didn't even know the half of it! Everything is much more chaotic now with two kids. Twice as chaotic. Whoever it was that told me that having two wasn't that much more work than one was either tricking me or had really easy children. But I still wouldn't trade this chaotic life for anything. I have the most amazing husband. My kids are great. My life is great. We stay busy, which is sometimes a great thing and sometimes a stressful thing, but in the end we have each other.

Day 4: Favorite photo of one of my best friends...

Amanda and I have been friends since high school. We met in the girls' bathroom in the wee hours of the morning because we both rode the bus to school before we had our own cars, and we both had the terrible habit of running late (which we have yet to grow out of) and had to finish getting ready for the day at school. Our bathroom primping conversations led to us taking tennis lessons together, which led to us hanging out all summer long (and even dated brothers - which is a whole other story), which led to us becoming best friends during our senior year, which led to us becoming forever friends. She moved out to Maryland about five years ago, and I flew out to visit her (this photo was taken in Ocean City, MD 5 years ago). About a year and a half after she had moved out East, I found out that we were moving to Virginia, just a few hours drive south of her. I was thrilled! We continued to visit one another over the years, taking turns driving back and forth, and as of this year we have moved just north of DC, she lives just south of DC, and we get to see a lot more of each other lately. I love this girl, er, um, woman. We have practically grown up together, have been through everything together, and I can't imagine life without such a wonderful friend. In fact, everyone would be fortunate to have a friend like Amanda. She is so kind and understanding, gives sound advice, knows exactly what to say - or not say - in times of distress, knows exactly how to make others feel completely comfortable, and she is always reaching out to be there for others. She is humble, sweet, and way too modest about her many talents. She is one of the most selfless, beautiful people I know. I admire her in so many ways for so many reasons. I love you, Amanda!

Day 3: A photo of the perfect date

Call me sappy, but this is all I need to have a perfect date. This man.

Beckham's Cookie Creation

Day 2: a photo of something Beckham ate today

My beach baby

Random photo of the day...

Day 1: a photo of yourself and how your day was

This photo was taken in the Outer Banks a few months ago. I love any kind of boat, any time, any where. Even looking at a boat gives me that feeling of exhilaration. Yesterday, Jordan had a miraculous "half day" (meaning he only worked about 8 hours instead of 30), so we took off to Kent Island all afternoon to drive around, play on the coast and go out for dinner on the dock... surrounded by water and boats and sunshine. (We took photos, but I haven't uploaded them yet, of course.) Every inhale consisted of sunshine, sea air, and small-town charm. Today I have felt that continued exhilaration. It's like a drug. I have been super-productive with energy to spare, which is saying a lot for a tired mom with two young kids. I cleaned the entire house, did all of the laundry (and, oh my goodness, there was a MOUNTAIN of laundry), made Halloween cookies AND brownies with Beckham, made three different dinners (one for the kids, one for me, and one to take to Jordan at the hospital), got the kids ready for bed early so they could fall asleep in the car, and left in the rush-hour traffic to take Jordan his dinner. All the while (and this is the real shocker) I was bustling with energy. I think a trip to the seaside should become my weekly fix! We often fantasize about the day when we can finally buy our own boat (some time after residency). Even if it's a rusty old rowboat, I will be a happy woman.

30 Days of Photos...

My cute cousin had this up on her blog and I decided that it would be an easy way for me to finally get some photos up on this blog of ours! I'll try to add one per day, but at the very least I'll do a few each week :)


Day 1 - A photo of yourself and how your day was.
Day 2 - A photo of something you ate today,
Day 3 - A photo of the perfect date
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream vacation.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of our favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

Cold, dark, quiet nights; warm, bright, noisy days

I am sitting in my kitchen right now, with the new chill of autumn settling in throughout the house. The kids are finally asleep. It seems like I work all day for this moment that I can finally sit down and figure out what needs to be done for the night.

For example, today I started my day, after only 4 hours of sleep, in utter chaos preparing the house for 5 little 4-year-old kids to come over and have preschool from 9-noon. The house was bustling and noisy and there was never a dull moment. Then, around 4PM, the exhaustion started to set in from no sleep the night before, and I started to wonder if it would be terribly cruel of me to convince my kids that it was already bedtime. Of course I knew they would be too smart for that trick, but I toyed with the idea.

But, now here I am, cold and alone, around 9PM, and I feel quite the opposite. It's lonely without the noise and the constant requests and having one or both of my kids climbing all over me. Jordan is working yet another ruthless 30-hour shift at the hospital. His schedule goes something like this: 30 hour shift, sleep, 12 hour shift, sleep, 30 hour shift, sleep, 12 hour shift... you get it. And while I want to be supportive, I can't deny that it gets really lonely being the spouse of an intern. I wake up alone, take care of the kids and all of the household needs all day, even mastering the art of mowing the lawn with a baby on my hip, then I prepare dinner with kids climbing on me, crying at my feet, just so we can sort of have a sit-down meal together with just the three of us, which means that the baby is strapped in her high chair demanding more food with her high-pitched squeels as she splatters the food she has across the room and onto the ceiling and anywhere else she can aspire to fling it, Beckham is bouncing around in his chair making various requests, and I am frantically running to and fro meeting the demands and wiping up spills and wondering why I even bothered to cook in the first place as I holler into the dining room for Beckham to stop teasing his sister and making her cry or I'll send him straight to bed, as I grab for more napkins and try to remember to breathe.

Then, when that fiasco is finally over I juggle the kids for bath time and bedtime, which feels more like a circus routine, really. As I bathe Ava with one hand, I am using the other hand to keep Beckham from pummeling his sister and knocking her over face-first into the water. Then as I am getting the baby out of the bath and holding her to one side of my body, I am wrapping Beckham up in a towel as he spins and hops like a little jumping bean, and then I carry them both like sacks of potatoes to his bedroom mostly so Beckham doesn't get distracted on his way out the door and disappear down the stairs, as is often the case. Then I set Ava down to put on her diaper, turn my head to answer Beckham's question about where his clean pajamas have been placed (since I have not gotten around to folding them and putting them away, of course) and then turn back to find Ava crawling away quickly. As I catch up to her she giggles in delight not only because she has escaped but because I haven't yet put her diaper on and she's peeing across the floor. I catch her right before she topples head-first down the stairs. Then I wrestle with her to get her diaper on while simultaneously telling Beckham how to brush his teeth even though I'm convinced he knows how to do it without my coaching ("okay, now the top, now the bottom, now the front ones, now the back ones, now behind the front ones..." and so on). Once that whole drill is over, it's story time, song time, Ava's final feeding of the day as she drifts off to sleep, which is exactly when Beckham hollers for water from the other room waking her from her newly found sleep. I find myself finally putting her to bed, finally getting him his water, finally coming downstairs to start my night's work and, then, something happens.

Everything stands still.

It's quiet.

I have dishes to wash, laundry to fold, bathrooms to clean, assignments to submit. Instead, I sit. And I take a breath. And I wonder why I was in such a hurry to get them to bed all day. It would be nice to have a nocturnal pet right about now. Like a cute little skunk to scamper around at my feet as I clean. Because while I know I can stay busy around the clock, my tasks don't keep me from feeling isolated and alone during these long nights in my quiet house. I could call someone, but most everyone I know has family time in the evenings. So, instead, I blog. And I know that you, reader of my blog, are regretting your decision to check this particular post because it is long and treacherous and uneventful in the grand scheme of things, but this is how I finally connect to the world tonight. I write. I get the word out there that I am burnt out, but ready for more! Bring it!

I used to have a "weekend husband" for this very purpose of not wallowing in loneliness. My friend, Alison, and I were in the same boat. Her husband went to school with Jordan. We were both new moms at the time we met (in fact, we both had our first baby the first week of medical school), so Alison and I would get together in the evenings to share our chaotic mealtime with one another, complain together about how much we hate medical school and not having a husband around. We'd make weekend plans with one another since all of our other friends in the area had "family time" during their nights and weekends, go figure. We understood one another and leaned on one another for much-needed support. She has since moved to Texas and we have moved to D.C. I need to find myself another "weekend husband" quick. This is going to be a long year.