I think the last time I posted anything here was last year before we moved. And life has been rather crazy in 2014 and has carried over to 2015. Between the mysterious and scary hospital stay last year and the perplexing doctor's visits, the house-selling and the traveling and moving across the country with kids, the new house in the new town during Jordan's long(ish) 3-month absence for military training, and the joy that is the Texas school system, I have done nothing but live day to day for the past year.
And, let me just tell you, it's nothing like I expected. In both good and bad ways.
I am still working harder than ever with running our household and raising our children, oftentimes alone. We added a cute Boston Terrier puppy to our family and that was a lot of work, but a lot of fun. The schools here, as mentioned above, are terrible - terribly strict, terribly long, and terribly behind. My 2nd grader gets on a bus at 7:45am and doesn't get home until close to 4:30pm most days. He's bored out of his mind and not learning anything new... it seems the 2nd grade here is at the same level as the 1st grade in Maryland. The teacher is overwhelmed with her 26 students and doesn't do differential learning, so my son ends up sitting at his desk with his head down most of the day while he waits for the other children to catch up. It has been mind-boggling and frustrating and I actively started searching for a better school for him, which is surprisingly difficult when you're in a military town in central Texas. I finally found one! Then I started to stress about the costs of putting him in a private school, so I started to explore ways to make money from home while also raising my young children. I started my training to become a Kindermusik teacher and had to pass vocal reviews and take pedagogy courses and do my student teaching over the past few months. I'm just about done with all of that and am happy to say that I love teaching Kindermusik and preschool and will be doing both next school year.
Anyhow, we are loving the new house with the movie theater room. We are loving our large fenced yard where the kids can play safely (you know, with the exception of the "rabid skunk" scare in the neighborhood). We are adjusting to the work of the puppy who is smellier than I expected (note to self: Boston Terriers fart!) We are adjusting to the military town and the lack of charm but the access to everything one could ever need. There is nothing frilly or cute or charming about this town. It is a practical place and it is a pretty ugly place. But, once you get outside of Killeen, it can be pretty. We like to travel south to Austin or East to Waco as often as we can.
But, I'm telling you, the biggest adjustment is the loneliness here. Don't get me wrong, Texans - true Texans - are the friendliest, most polite people you will ever meet. They greet you with a large buttermilk smile, a "howdy ma'am," and will offer to hold your door or carry your groceries or assist you in any way possible. But, friendly doesn't always equal friendship. Being a military town, everyone here is working class and doing their best to scrape on by. There are not a lot of stay-at-home moms in my neighborhood because everyone works full-time. With all of the deployments, you also have a culture of families that either leave as soon as their husband deploys or they have family members come in town to help out or they merely run the household as a single parent, which means that most people here are very busy with their own lives. Not unlike myself. I am in a season where friendships come second to running my household and keeping my kids alive. But, when you're home all day every day raising three kids, cleaning, teaching, and so on, you start to realize that you are pretty far removed from any sort of social life outside of facebook and texting the occasional friend or family member. Luckily for me, many of my friends are in the same situation and completely understand the lack of communication or time available for chit chat.
Still, it gets lonely. Once, for a History of the American West class, I had to go to an art exhibit displaying art dedicated to the western frontier. I was drawn to a painting of a lone woman, young and quiet, standing up against a hitch-style fence with her hair blowing in the breeze, surrounded by rolling golden hills and fields of bluebells, with a tiny house off in the distance. It very well could have been depicting Texas. It just felt lonely to me, looking at that woman. She very well may have felt happy and free and loving the space all around her as she stood with her back to the wind, but that's what I love about art: it speaks to everyone differently. And, to me, I thought she looked lonely, surrounded by vast emptiness and feeling the great unknown around her. That's me right now, in a way. I look out my windows and feel free and happy looking at the open ranch behind our house. So much open space. It's beautiful. I should feel free. But, I hold myself back and it makes me feel a little anxious. I want to be able to let go and just breathe and just be and embrace everything in my life right now, but the uncertainty of things makes me feel a little hesitant and uneasy. Moving is always difficult for me. And it takes me a good year or more to adjust, it seems. It takes me about that long to make good friends, too. I have always struggled with making casual friends that come and go, but I am more likely to make a couple of really good friends that I stay friends with forever. It's been like that as long as I can remember. When I make a friend, it's a lasting friendship that carries on through the years. For now, I haven't really found that friend in Texas. Or maybe I have and just haven't realized it yet :) Anyhow, that's what's going on with me in my life right now. Momming. Working hard. Holding down the fort. Being as strong as I can. Loving husband and kids. Giving kisses and hugs. Reading Curious George books with my arms full of kids. Enjoying the simplicity of it all but also recognizing the huge task at hand each day of raising (and cleaning up after) these wonderful children.
I'll have to write about my adventures with the garage door and the Honda dealership and the sick kids another time. Duty calls!
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