Okay, well the days aren't SO sad. But the nights are long and lonely when your husband is gone working 90-100 hours per week including those dreaded 30-hour shifts. I cannot wait for this rotation to be OVER!!! And, in two more months, we will have survived Internship year, notorious for its long, horrible hours. I don't care what anybody says, this lifestyle affects the entire family. The kids miss Jordan. I miss Jordan. We try to stay busy during the day - which really isn't the challenge. There are always so many things we have to do and want to do in the day. But as soon as night comes, and the kids are tucked away in their beds, I find myself alone in our house.
Since moving in last May, I have never been able to walk into our living room and sit down and relax if Jordan is not home. It feels so sad and lonely in there without him. The couch seems too big and cold. There's no point in turning on the tv because the whole point of watching anything is to sit there with Jordan and laugh together.
So, I either clean or study or stare at my computer screen thinking about how I should study, like tonight, but instead do nothing. I am tired. But, I cannot sleep... not yet... Jordan is gone and falling asleep will be next to impossible. I have so much to do. But I cannot be productive because I'm exhausted. So, I sit. I stare ahead at my empty computer screen where I should be laboriously typing yet another paper. Instead, my head fills with lyrics from years ago.
...And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown, I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say
The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is tumbling down
I can say it so clearly
But you're nowhere around
The nights are lonely
The days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about
The love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
And I'm trembling at night and
Nobody knows it but me
I lie awake, it's quarter past three
I'm screaming at night as if
I thought you'd hear me
Yeah my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me....
So, there's my sappy, missing-Jordan tale for the evening. This man has haunted me now for over 13 years! It was about 11 years ago that he played this song for me for the first time. At the time we had been broken up for a few months and I had gotten engaged, foolishly, to somebody else during that time. I was an idiot. Yet, Jordan and I both missed each other like crazy despite our stubbornness. I cried over him every night and nobody knew it. Then, right before he left on his mission to Kentucky, Jordan and I spent a few weeks together. He played that song for me right before he left. And that's the first song I heard on the radio the very next day as I got into my car.
It kind of became a theme for us. Missing each other. It has never been easy but we have had several times over the past several years of having to miss each other. Mission, work, school, military. Sometimes it has been a mere matter of tasks taking over and not having enough time together. Other times he has had to go away for a few months for military and school. This year, it has been long hours at work. But, as much as I miss him on nights like tonight, I'm so glad that I have that reassurance that I get to be in his arms tomorrow. Sappy. I know. Blame the pregnancy hormones or the lack of sleep or whatever, but it has been a really long couple of weeks and on nights like this all I really want is my husband by my side and that's something I will NEVER take for granted.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Ban on TV
I'm back from the dead! Or at least from the world of pregnancy exhaustion. :) I just got to week 15 and am happy to announce that I am hungry ALL of the time now rather than cringing at the sight (and smell, and thoughts, and so on) of food. And I have my energy back for doing spring cleaning, getting out for spontaneous activities with the kids, studying regularly, and .... banning television. And that final thing has been an amazing thing!
Introduction into a tv-free environment:
Anyone who knows me already knows that I hate tv. I don't enjoy watching it and have never had a desire to have a tv for any reason other than watching the occasional movie. Through most of our marriage we have not had television. Occasionally Jordan would sign up for a three month summer deal or would get cable just long enough to watch the NBA finals, but other than that we haven't really cared to have tv set up in our home. Therefore, Beckham has grown up in a television-free environment. And it has always been such a great thing. He's an active little boy and doesn't care to sit still anyway. Every now and then I would buy him a $5 movie at Target of Elmo's World or Thomas the Train or whatever his current phase was at the time.
The slippery slope:
About a year ago, we signed up for Netflix and all of the sudden he had all sorts of great kid shows to choose from. Commercial free, might I add ;) With a combination of him being old enough to fall in love with cartoons at age 3 1/2 and the birth of Ava, he was all of the sudden watching 1-2 hours of netflix cartoons every day. Then we moved and Jordan wanted to get a satelite dish to watch sports and politics... and Beckham was introduced to the world of cable tv. Unlimited cartoons on at least a dozen stations playing all day long! It was a 4-year-old's dream! And, for the sake of saving my sanity, I let him watch about an hour a day while his baby sister napped and while I got ready for the day. It was the perfect babysitter. And then for Christmas he got his first video game and he was ecstatic! So, on top of his hour of tv every morning, he was begging to play his video game for an hour every afternoon.
The accidental epiphany:
Then, something happened. He had started taking food out of the kitchen every morning without asking. Not just any food, but any junkfood he could find. If we didn't have candy or popscicles, he would eat all the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms, or eat all of frozen fruit in the freezer. We tried taking away privileges, and nothing was working. Then, I took away tv and video games for a whole week and told him he would have to earn that privilege back by NOT taking food without asking that entire week. It worked like a charm. But something else happened, too. Beckham started playing with old toys again, drawing pictures, sculpting with playdough, building blocks, reading more books, building puzzles, completing his pre-k workbooks (sometimes an entire book in one sitting!), and participating more and more in make-believe play. His behavior changed significantly. Less arguing and bad attitudes and more politeness and cheerfulness. I never worried about his activity level because he has always been extremely active, but I guess I forgot about all of the other productive, educational things he was missing out on while wasting away his time in front of the tv for 1-2 hours daily. I mean, think of what you could do as an adult with an extra 1-2 hours per day... and then double that productivity level with the energy of a young child who soaks everything up like a sponge. At this rate he could learn Chinese in a year! ha ha!
The academic studies to back my claim:
I remember in college doing a research paper for my Philosophy of Childhood class. It was about the long-term effects of television on children. Thousands of studies have been carried out on the subject, and most of them say the same things, essentially. I looked into these studies again and read an article posted by the University of Michigan. Extensive television watching and video game playing leads children to anti-social behaviors, eventual adult obesity or poor lifestyle habits, attention difficulties in school, sleep difficulties, behavioral problems - particularly in boys acting out violently, making poor choices in their teenage years regarding sex, drugs and alcohol, and poor study habits. Television also takes away from more enriching activities such as reading (which, neurological studies show, activates the brain significantly more than staring at the television), socializing with family and friends and learning and practicing good values in the process, getting outside for exercise and fresh air, and practicing skills such as music or drawing and so on. Anyhow, it all came back to me as I watched my own son revert back to his productivity level from the pre-tv days. And I was sold. No more regular tv from now on.
The new lifestyle of my 4-year-old:
We have made tv a special "entertainment" privilege. He can watch for 30 minutes a day if he has already done all of his chores and his homework (which for him means making his bed, cleaning up his toys, and completing at least one lesson in his pre-k lesson book), and if he has followed all the household rules such as not taking food without asking and being nice to his sister. Then he chooses a show, if he wants. But I have found that MOST days the tv doesn't even go on and he doesn't even request it or miss it... which actually allows us to have a little more flexibility as parents on those random days when he does want to watch two or three shows at a time because there's just nothing else to do or he's tired, etc. As far as the video game goes, now he gets to play it for 30 minutes once a week as a special privilege for the week. And he loves it! As soon as it's his day to play, he treats it like we're taking him to Disneyland.
So, what's my point in all this? I feel like I got sidetracked as a busy parent for awhile there and was using the television as my babysitter for my kid so I could get things done. Once I realized, again, all the long-term negative effects this habit would have and all the good that could come of decreasing the amount of television in his life, I feel almost enlightened! This no tv thing has been a wonderful thing for Beckham, will be a wonderful thing for our family in the long run, and - here's the great part! - my fear of banning the tv creating more work for me in the end actually isn't true at all. Now Beckham is keeping himself occupied with better, more educational endeavors while I get the baby down for a nap or while I exercise. I'm convinced once again, tv is such a waste of time! Now that's not to discredit the good that can come out of tv. I think with limited, parent-censored tv, kids still get valuable things out of it such as cultural education, creative imagination, interactive stimulation, (and somethin-somethin combobulation... perhaps I'd be able to come up with a more creative ending to all of this if I did a little more reading myself :)
Introduction into a tv-free environment:
Anyone who knows me already knows that I hate tv. I don't enjoy watching it and have never had a desire to have a tv for any reason other than watching the occasional movie. Through most of our marriage we have not had television. Occasionally Jordan would sign up for a three month summer deal or would get cable just long enough to watch the NBA finals, but other than that we haven't really cared to have tv set up in our home. Therefore, Beckham has grown up in a television-free environment. And it has always been such a great thing. He's an active little boy and doesn't care to sit still anyway. Every now and then I would buy him a $5 movie at Target of Elmo's World or Thomas the Train or whatever his current phase was at the time.
The slippery slope:
About a year ago, we signed up for Netflix and all of the sudden he had all sorts of great kid shows to choose from. Commercial free, might I add ;) With a combination of him being old enough to fall in love with cartoons at age 3 1/2 and the birth of Ava, he was all of the sudden watching 1-2 hours of netflix cartoons every day. Then we moved and Jordan wanted to get a satelite dish to watch sports and politics... and Beckham was introduced to the world of cable tv. Unlimited cartoons on at least a dozen stations playing all day long! It was a 4-year-old's dream! And, for the sake of saving my sanity, I let him watch about an hour a day while his baby sister napped and while I got ready for the day. It was the perfect babysitter. And then for Christmas he got his first video game and he was ecstatic! So, on top of his hour of tv every morning, he was begging to play his video game for an hour every afternoon.
The accidental epiphany:
Then, something happened. He had started taking food out of the kitchen every morning without asking. Not just any food, but any junkfood he could find. If we didn't have candy or popscicles, he would eat all the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms, or eat all of frozen fruit in the freezer. We tried taking away privileges, and nothing was working. Then, I took away tv and video games for a whole week and told him he would have to earn that privilege back by NOT taking food without asking that entire week. It worked like a charm. But something else happened, too. Beckham started playing with old toys again, drawing pictures, sculpting with playdough, building blocks, reading more books, building puzzles, completing his pre-k workbooks (sometimes an entire book in one sitting!), and participating more and more in make-believe play. His behavior changed significantly. Less arguing and bad attitudes and more politeness and cheerfulness. I never worried about his activity level because he has always been extremely active, but I guess I forgot about all of the other productive, educational things he was missing out on while wasting away his time in front of the tv for 1-2 hours daily. I mean, think of what you could do as an adult with an extra 1-2 hours per day... and then double that productivity level with the energy of a young child who soaks everything up like a sponge. At this rate he could learn Chinese in a year! ha ha!
The academic studies to back my claim:
I remember in college doing a research paper for my Philosophy of Childhood class. It was about the long-term effects of television on children. Thousands of studies have been carried out on the subject, and most of them say the same things, essentially. I looked into these studies again and read an article posted by the University of Michigan. Extensive television watching and video game playing leads children to anti-social behaviors, eventual adult obesity or poor lifestyle habits, attention difficulties in school, sleep difficulties, behavioral problems - particularly in boys acting out violently, making poor choices in their teenage years regarding sex, drugs and alcohol, and poor study habits. Television also takes away from more enriching activities such as reading (which, neurological studies show, activates the brain significantly more than staring at the television), socializing with family and friends and learning and practicing good values in the process, getting outside for exercise and fresh air, and practicing skills such as music or drawing and so on. Anyhow, it all came back to me as I watched my own son revert back to his productivity level from the pre-tv days. And I was sold. No more regular tv from now on.
The new lifestyle of my 4-year-old:
We have made tv a special "entertainment" privilege. He can watch for 30 minutes a day if he has already done all of his chores and his homework (which for him means making his bed, cleaning up his toys, and completing at least one lesson in his pre-k lesson book), and if he has followed all the household rules such as not taking food without asking and being nice to his sister. Then he chooses a show, if he wants. But I have found that MOST days the tv doesn't even go on and he doesn't even request it or miss it... which actually allows us to have a little more flexibility as parents on those random days when he does want to watch two or three shows at a time because there's just nothing else to do or he's tired, etc. As far as the video game goes, now he gets to play it for 30 minutes once a week as a special privilege for the week. And he loves it! As soon as it's his day to play, he treats it like we're taking him to Disneyland.
So, what's my point in all this? I feel like I got sidetracked as a busy parent for awhile there and was using the television as my babysitter for my kid so I could get things done. Once I realized, again, all the long-term negative effects this habit would have and all the good that could come of decreasing the amount of television in his life, I feel almost enlightened! This no tv thing has been a wonderful thing for Beckham, will be a wonderful thing for our family in the long run, and - here's the great part! - my fear of banning the tv creating more work for me in the end actually isn't true at all. Now Beckham is keeping himself occupied with better, more educational endeavors while I get the baby down for a nap or while I exercise. I'm convinced once again, tv is such a waste of time! Now that's not to discredit the good that can come out of tv. I think with limited, parent-censored tv, kids still get valuable things out of it such as cultural education, creative imagination, interactive stimulation, (and somethin-somethin combobulation... perhaps I'd be able to come up with a more creative ending to all of this if I did a little more reading myself :)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The First Trimester Blurrrrr
I have no energy for typing on this blog lately. In fact, I hesitated even starting this post knowing very well that it would be very short, sweet, and absolutely uneventful. The first trimester of pregnancy has never felt so absolutely exhausting before! I count myself lucky for having experienced two very easy pregnancies in the past because this current one is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I had never gotten so sick before... Luckily I know someone in the drug business and got some Zofran immediately ;) I never thought I would welcome any drug into my life so readily. That miracle drug has been what has saved me from absolute misery and I kiss the feet of whoever invented it. As far as the old lady exhaustion goes... well, let's just say I'm doing the bare minimum these days. I wake up, keep the kids fed and happy all day, and that's just about it. By the time they are in bed for the night, so am I. I joke with Jordan that it might look like I'm doing absolutely nothing, but there's actually a whole factory production going on manufacturing a human-being with fingers and toes and a nervous system and a fast little heart beat and, frankly, it's just taking up all of my resources. So, by the looks of this blog, it might look like I haven't been up to much... But, I assure you, I AM, I AM! Thankfully, I only have one more week until the first trimester has passed and then hopefully I can start getting more energy, stop feeling so sick all the time, and can add some cute pictures of the kids to this blog!
I will add a cute story about Beckham because he just cracks us up every day. Lately he insists on wearing something very unique that will get attention and will "look cool." He wears his Captain America costume quite often. One day it got dirty and I told him that I'd have to wash it and he got so upset and said, "But, mom! Then no body will think I look cool!" Then he asked if he could put on his new church suit. That always gets a lot of attention at church, so he figured he should wear it to the grocery store. I told him "no." So, the next thing I know, he's up in his bedroom putting on camo pants with his "super hero belt" and a lime green shirt and THREE clip-on neck ties. He found a way to still stand out and look super-cool. I laughed so hard (not at him... just later when telling Jordan about it). Then, today, he wanted to wear his baseball hat to Joy School. I told him he couldn't wear it to class because it would be too distracting but that he could wear it in the car. Again, he wanted to look cool, so he made a point to wear it as he got out of the car and waited for all of the other kids to notice him and only then did he take off his hat and hand it to me and run inside to join his friends. This kid makes me laugh every single day. He is always doing such cute things!
So, that's us. More eventful, energetic, exciting things to come in the near future (I HOPE!)
I will add a cute story about Beckham because he just cracks us up every day. Lately he insists on wearing something very unique that will get attention and will "look cool." He wears his Captain America costume quite often. One day it got dirty and I told him that I'd have to wash it and he got so upset and said, "But, mom! Then no body will think I look cool!" Then he asked if he could put on his new church suit. That always gets a lot of attention at church, so he figured he should wear it to the grocery store. I told him "no." So, the next thing I know, he's up in his bedroom putting on camo pants with his "super hero belt" and a lime green shirt and THREE clip-on neck ties. He found a way to still stand out and look super-cool. I laughed so hard (not at him... just later when telling Jordan about it). Then, today, he wanted to wear his baseball hat to Joy School. I told him he couldn't wear it to class because it would be too distracting but that he could wear it in the car. Again, he wanted to look cool, so he made a point to wear it as he got out of the car and waited for all of the other kids to notice him and only then did he take off his hat and hand it to me and run inside to join his friends. This kid makes me laugh every single day. He is always doing such cute things!
So, that's us. More eventful, energetic, exciting things to come in the near future (I HOPE!)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Surprise!
Christmastime was a whirlwind of activity. I have yet to download the photos to add to our blog! With sick kids, a constantly-working husband, holiday festivities, shopping, baking, parties, visits to friends and neighbors and the elderly, all the while feeling like I had some sort of persistent flu bug that wouldn't go away... well, it has just been impossible to keep up with emails and blogging.
I never get sick. I never get the flu shot because I've never needed it before and I've never regretted not getting it. I have the immune system of a horse (do horses have great immune systems?... I just always assume that "healthy as a horse" comment has some clout). I proudly and mercilessly fight off anything that comes my way. When someone in my family gets sick, I whip out my get-well remedies and heal them overnight (for this, Jordan thinks I'm a witch... and because I can predict weather, have strange psychic abilities and put hexes on him from time to time... but we won't go into any of that, ha ha). But, then all of the sudden there was this relentless nausea and exhaustion that would not go away no matter what I tried. There was absolutely no way I was pregnant, so I ruled that out. NO way. So, I pushed through the holidays trying to ignore my symptoms waiting for them to pass.
Two days after Christmas the symptoms not only hadn't subsided, they had gotten worse! Not only that, it was affecting me in every way. All of the sudden egg nog tasted like Lysol cleaner might taste. Then it happened to the broccoli. I couldn't figure out what was happening to me! I was beginning to question my super-human ability to fight infectious disease. Was I becoming soft in my ripe old age of 29? Then, it happened. I gagged while brushing my teeth one night. That has always been the tell-tale sign for pregnancy in the past. I LOVE to brush my teeth. I will sit and brush my teeth for 10 minutes if I have the chance, but when I'm pregnant I gag on the toothpaste and can't stand it for longer than a couple of minutes, tops. So, at the store, just to humor myself, I bought a pregnancy test. I snuck it into the cart the same way Jordan sneaks in soda pop and junk food. It was going to come out negative anyway. But, I threw in a kit with two tests... just in case.
As soon as we got home I stealthily ventured into the bathroom upstairs... where Ava followed me. I opened the pregnancy kit, laughing to myself about having even bought it and just knowing it would come out negative. As Ava pulled on my pant leg crying for me to pick her up and Beckham hollered for me downstairs (he still didn't know where I disappeared to), I watched two pink lines appear instantly in the indicator window. Pregnant, eh? Nope. Couldn't be. That one was defective. I threw it away instantly.
I mentioned it to Jordan in passing a few minutes later. It went something like this: "So, I took a pregnancy test a few minutes ago... and it says I'm pregnant. But, I'm going to take another test because something is wrong with that one. I probably didn't do it right (total lie - I have done at least 20 of these in the past few years while trying for baby 1 and 2)." He excitedly embraced me and told me he loved me as he congratulated me, completely baffling me by his utter excitement. Couldn't he see I was terrified... and nervous... and TERRIFIED?! I kept a calm, cool face as I explained I would just go ahead and take another test the next day, no big deal.
Yeah, right. Like I was really going to wait an entire day.
Less than an hour later, the kids were in bed and I quite literally ran into the bathroom and tried again. Two pink lines appeared instantly. Huh. Two positive pregnancy tests. Go figure. Both defective? I mean, I just COULDN'T be pregnant. That's not how it works. An an "experienced" mom of two, har har, I know how this goes. And the way it goes is this: we talk about having a baby for about a year, then we try to get pregnant for a year, then we inform the doctor that it has been a year with no luck, at which point I start the round of fertility medications for several months, all the while taking pregnancy test after pregnancy test, month after month, hoping for a positive reading, until the time has finally come when I see those two pink lines on that plastic contraption I have grown to both despise and love... and THEN we give everyone the wonderful news of "Hooray we're pregnant!"
Now, here I was, with a baby who was just shy of turning one, still nursing, and we'd only barely decided to try for baby #3 on a whim a few weeks ago (our third and final - and might I add: fearful - attempt at making babies ... we both knew we wanted a third, but we both felt like the longer we waited the more we'd chicken out, so we took the "now or never" approach).... Could it really happen THAT FAST?
YES... YES, IT COULD.
And Baby #3 wasn't going to give us the option of backing out or deciding to wait a year or two. This baby is on it's way, ready or not!
P.S. And, after the initial fear and denial, I am very excited about this :) I was afraid because I know exactly what I'm in for, but thankfully I love every minute of this relentless - yet rewarding - job called motherhood. I was in denial because it seems like it was TOO easy. It's like as soon as we made this spontaneous decision it just happened overnight, which is a new experience for us. I'm used to the year of planning, the year of trying, and then the 9 months of being pregnant - it's always a 3 year process. Now all of the sudden it's this instantaneous event that makes perfect sense and no sense to me all at once. For starters, Jordan, the logical-about-everything-super-planner was so on board with trying for a baby with no prior planning, no spread sheets, no diagrams or budget forms or calendars of due dates based on conception dates - he was just all for jumping into this decision. Secondly, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, he wasn't at all shocked and surprised, only excited and happy. Come to think of it... maybe Dr. Thomson has been slipping fertility pills into my drinks for the past few months and planned this whole thing??? Tricky man.
(AND, on a side note, if anyone knows of student who would like to live in D.C. rent-free for a semester while getting paid as a part-time nanny, I'm definitely considering hiring someone to help me out for the first few months!!!)
I never get sick. I never get the flu shot because I've never needed it before and I've never regretted not getting it. I have the immune system of a horse (do horses have great immune systems?... I just always assume that "healthy as a horse" comment has some clout). I proudly and mercilessly fight off anything that comes my way. When someone in my family gets sick, I whip out my get-well remedies and heal them overnight (for this, Jordan thinks I'm a witch... and because I can predict weather, have strange psychic abilities and put hexes on him from time to time... but we won't go into any of that, ha ha). But, then all of the sudden there was this relentless nausea and exhaustion that would not go away no matter what I tried. There was absolutely no way I was pregnant, so I ruled that out. NO way. So, I pushed through the holidays trying to ignore my symptoms waiting for them to pass.
Two days after Christmas the symptoms not only hadn't subsided, they had gotten worse! Not only that, it was affecting me in every way. All of the sudden egg nog tasted like Lysol cleaner might taste. Then it happened to the broccoli. I couldn't figure out what was happening to me! I was beginning to question my super-human ability to fight infectious disease. Was I becoming soft in my ripe old age of 29? Then, it happened. I gagged while brushing my teeth one night. That has always been the tell-tale sign for pregnancy in the past. I LOVE to brush my teeth. I will sit and brush my teeth for 10 minutes if I have the chance, but when I'm pregnant I gag on the toothpaste and can't stand it for longer than a couple of minutes, tops. So, at the store, just to humor myself, I bought a pregnancy test. I snuck it into the cart the same way Jordan sneaks in soda pop and junk food. It was going to come out negative anyway. But, I threw in a kit with two tests... just in case.
As soon as we got home I stealthily ventured into the bathroom upstairs... where Ava followed me. I opened the pregnancy kit, laughing to myself about having even bought it and just knowing it would come out negative. As Ava pulled on my pant leg crying for me to pick her up and Beckham hollered for me downstairs (he still didn't know where I disappeared to), I watched two pink lines appear instantly in the indicator window. Pregnant, eh? Nope. Couldn't be. That one was defective. I threw it away instantly.
I mentioned it to Jordan in passing a few minutes later. It went something like this: "So, I took a pregnancy test a few minutes ago... and it says I'm pregnant. But, I'm going to take another test because something is wrong with that one. I probably didn't do it right (total lie - I have done at least 20 of these in the past few years while trying for baby 1 and 2)." He excitedly embraced me and told me he loved me as he congratulated me, completely baffling me by his utter excitement. Couldn't he see I was terrified... and nervous... and TERRIFIED?! I kept a calm, cool face as I explained I would just go ahead and take another test the next day, no big deal.
Yeah, right. Like I was really going to wait an entire day.
Less than an hour later, the kids were in bed and I quite literally ran into the bathroom and tried again. Two pink lines appeared instantly. Huh. Two positive pregnancy tests. Go figure. Both defective? I mean, I just COULDN'T be pregnant. That's not how it works. An an "experienced" mom of two, har har, I know how this goes. And the way it goes is this: we talk about having a baby for about a year, then we try to get pregnant for a year, then we inform the doctor that it has been a year with no luck, at which point I start the round of fertility medications for several months, all the while taking pregnancy test after pregnancy test, month after month, hoping for a positive reading, until the time has finally come when I see those two pink lines on that plastic contraption I have grown to both despise and love... and THEN we give everyone the wonderful news of "Hooray we're pregnant!"
Now, here I was, with a baby who was just shy of turning one, still nursing, and we'd only barely decided to try for baby #3 on a whim a few weeks ago (our third and final - and might I add: fearful - attempt at making babies ... we both knew we wanted a third, but we both felt like the longer we waited the more we'd chicken out, so we took the "now or never" approach).... Could it really happen THAT FAST?
YES... YES, IT COULD.
And Baby #3 wasn't going to give us the option of backing out or deciding to wait a year or two. This baby is on it's way, ready or not!
P.S. And, after the initial fear and denial, I am very excited about this :) I was afraid because I know exactly what I'm in for, but thankfully I love every minute of this relentless - yet rewarding - job called motherhood. I was in denial because it seems like it was TOO easy. It's like as soon as we made this spontaneous decision it just happened overnight, which is a new experience for us. I'm used to the year of planning, the year of trying, and then the 9 months of being pregnant - it's always a 3 year process. Now all of the sudden it's this instantaneous event that makes perfect sense and no sense to me all at once. For starters, Jordan, the logical-about-everything-super-planner was so on board with trying for a baby with no prior planning, no spread sheets, no diagrams or budget forms or calendars of due dates based on conception dates - he was just all for jumping into this decision. Secondly, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, he wasn't at all shocked and surprised, only excited and happy. Come to think of it... maybe Dr. Thomson has been slipping fertility pills into my drinks for the past few months and planned this whole thing??? Tricky man.
(AND, on a side note, if anyone knows of student who would like to live in D.C. rent-free for a semester while getting paid as a part-time nanny, I'm definitely considering hiring someone to help me out for the first few months!!!)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tried and True... Broken-In Mommy
Every now and then I feel as if I'm being tested - by my kids, by my husband, by the powers that be - to see if I'm really cut out for this mommy business.
Luckily, I always pass. So far.
These past two weeks have been a little rough. Beckham had three days of being sick where he not only felt miserable with a fever of 103, but was also throwing up. Jordan happened to be working on-call at the hospital the entire time, which seems to always be the case when something is going terribly wrong at home. As I tried to keep my 4-year-old hydrated and cooled off and well-rested, I was toting around a happy baby on my hip. As soon as she would go down for a nap, there I was scrubbing vomit off of floors and walls and toilets and doors, and sanitizing the entire house in hopes that nobody else would catch the bug he had. I spent night after night caring for a sick child, feeling so absolutely helpless that he had to feel so miserable and wishing I could magically make him feel better. I slept by his side, I catered to his every need, and at one point got teary-eyed because I felt so overwhelmed with love for this kid. I really would do ANYTHING for him.
As soon as he was feeling better, I was rushing to quickly put together the Joy School Christmas Party and Kindergarten Readiness Lessons for the week as well as preparing for the party we were throwing at our house that weekend. The day of the Joy School Christmas Party, one girl showed up to my house absolutely plagued with illness! She was coughing a hoarse, raspy cough the entire time as goop ran down her face. Since she's only 3, bless her heart, she would cough on everyone around her as she walked by, wipe her nose with her hands before touching all of the toys and craft supplies, etc... without realizing that I stood there wincing each time, praying that my children would stay healthy and wouldn't get sick again. The next day I frantically cleaned my house and had a little Christmas get-together with some local friends. Then, two to three days later we all suddenly have horrible colds with fevers.
Now my baby has that hoarse, raspy cough and runny nose with a fever that seems identical to the symptoms displayed by the 3-year-old girl at my house that day and I find myself ranting on the inside about how parents should not send their sick kids to other people's houses to get an entire family sick! (Which I would never say out loud because I know these things happen and I love their sweet family and would never want to offend them - and can safely type it here because they'll never see this blog :)
So, now I'm taking care of a coughing 4-year-old and a sick-as-can-be 11-month-old WHILE I'm also sick and I'm wondering if this is MY test this week and I can't help but laugh at the irony. Last week I passed the test of taking care of one sick child while juggling a healthy child and household responsibilities on very little sleep and I think I may have become a little prideful after mastering this feat. Now things have been kicked up a notch and I'm taking care of two sick children while I'm sick myself still running on very little sleep while running around preparing for Christmas.
So, Santa, if you're out there, all I want for Christmas this year is a full night's sleep and a healthy family. If you can give me that, I promise I'll stop whining and complaining about how tired and achey and sick I am and be a good mommy all year long.
Luckily, I always pass. So far.
These past two weeks have been a little rough. Beckham had three days of being sick where he not only felt miserable with a fever of 103, but was also throwing up. Jordan happened to be working on-call at the hospital the entire time, which seems to always be the case when something is going terribly wrong at home. As I tried to keep my 4-year-old hydrated and cooled off and well-rested, I was toting around a happy baby on my hip. As soon as she would go down for a nap, there I was scrubbing vomit off of floors and walls and toilets and doors, and sanitizing the entire house in hopes that nobody else would catch the bug he had. I spent night after night caring for a sick child, feeling so absolutely helpless that he had to feel so miserable and wishing I could magically make him feel better. I slept by his side, I catered to his every need, and at one point got teary-eyed because I felt so overwhelmed with love for this kid. I really would do ANYTHING for him.
As soon as he was feeling better, I was rushing to quickly put together the Joy School Christmas Party and Kindergarten Readiness Lessons for the week as well as preparing for the party we were throwing at our house that weekend. The day of the Joy School Christmas Party, one girl showed up to my house absolutely plagued with illness! She was coughing a hoarse, raspy cough the entire time as goop ran down her face. Since she's only 3, bless her heart, she would cough on everyone around her as she walked by, wipe her nose with her hands before touching all of the toys and craft supplies, etc... without realizing that I stood there wincing each time, praying that my children would stay healthy and wouldn't get sick again. The next day I frantically cleaned my house and had a little Christmas get-together with some local friends. Then, two to three days later we all suddenly have horrible colds with fevers.
Now my baby has that hoarse, raspy cough and runny nose with a fever that seems identical to the symptoms displayed by the 3-year-old girl at my house that day and I find myself ranting on the inside about how parents should not send their sick kids to other people's houses to get an entire family sick! (Which I would never say out loud because I know these things happen and I love their sweet family and would never want to offend them - and can safely type it here because they'll never see this blog :)
So, now I'm taking care of a coughing 4-year-old and a sick-as-can-be 11-month-old WHILE I'm also sick and I'm wondering if this is MY test this week and I can't help but laugh at the irony. Last week I passed the test of taking care of one sick child while juggling a healthy child and household responsibilities on very little sleep and I think I may have become a little prideful after mastering this feat. Now things have been kicked up a notch and I'm taking care of two sick children while I'm sick myself still running on very little sleep while running around preparing for Christmas.
So, Santa, if you're out there, all I want for Christmas this year is a full night's sleep and a healthy family. If you can give me that, I promise I'll stop whining and complaining about how tired and achey and sick I am and be a good mommy all year long.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Years and Years of Dedication, Hard Work, Sacrifice....
Tonight, as everyone else was going to bed for the night, I watched as Jordan changed into his work clothes to pull a 10-12 hour graveyard shift in the Emergency Room down in Fairfax, dealing with drug addicts, drug-seekers, detox and overdoses, bar fight patients, vaginal bleeding, suicide attempts, kids with fevers and coughs and diarrhea, lacerations, you name it. All the while he helps these patients to the best of his ability, using vast medical knowledge with great confidence and know-how, trudging through the late night and wee hours of the morning, helping patient after patient, always with a great attitude.
Like all residents, he does this while getting reamed by some know-it-all attending who has something to prove by being a jerk. After hours and hours of this, Jordan drives home, exhausted, in the morning rush hour traffic of D.C. for 2 hours. He gets home, crashes on the couch in the basement for awhile, wakes up, eats, studies, and starts all over again with another 10-12 hour graveyard shift.
I cannot accurately express to you how much dedication, hard work, and sacrifice goes into this career. He worked so hard for four years as an undergrad to get the top grades, taking the hardest science classes, volunteering at hospitals, passing the MCAT, while working a full-time job... all of this just to get his foot in the door and get into medical school. Once in medical school, he was waking up at the crack of dawn to study for upcoming board exams before going to class all day, taking a brief 10 minute break for dinner, and then studying all night for exams for his classes. Weekends included. During 3rd and 4th year rotations, he spent a total of 5 months living away from home. He worked extremely hard while simultaneously studying for boards. After passing board exams and getting through those years of medical school, he got into his dream specialty: Ophthalmology.
So, here we are in the inevitable Internship year. 80-hour work weeks. On call every 3rd night. 30-hour shifts without a break, sometimes even without a meal. This man goes to work each and every day making a difference in many lives with a smile on his face. He cares about helping them. When he comes across something he doesn't have the answer for, he comes home from his long shift and studies about it. He has been going to school and studying HARD for years just so he can help his patients. He doesn't do it for the paycheck. He doesn't do it for the recognition. He does it because he is a caring doctor. And I'm willing to bet that he's not the only one. I know doctors get a bad rap sometimes - people tend to think they are overpaid for what they do. I can tell you here, they are NOT. Doctors sacrifice their youth to study. They pay for a solid education and live below the poverty line as students for 8 full years of school. They get overworked while being seriously underpaid all throughout their residencies and training years. Once they do get a paycheck, they get to pay off years worth of medical school student loans. Aside from the fiduciary sacrifices, they sacrifice their time with their loved ones. They sacrifice sleep, proper nutrition, recreation, any semblance of a normal life. I have watched Jordan work so hard for the past 8 years and am amazed at this level of dedication and sacrifice. It is hard on an individual and on a family. We move a lot, we live like students with the bare minimum, my kids rarely see the father they love as he's out sewing up some guy who got in a fight or counseling a drug-seeker.
He never complains about his long hours. He works nights, weekends, holidays... never complaining. And I realize that every doctor out there has gone through what my husband is going through. I don't think I ever appreciated that fact to the full extent until witnessing it first-hand. Where would our society be without these dedicated men and women? This does not only go for doctors for that matter. I know there are other professionals out there that dedicate so much for a good cause. But, for the sake of personal experience, let me just say, DOCTORS WORK SO DAMN HARD! I love my husband. He has such a great attitude. He is so intelligent and hard-working, but he doesn't give himself enough credit for this. He just goes on day after day working hard, providing for his family, changing lives. In fact, he'd probably be downright embarrassed reading this because for him it is all out of duty. He doesn't do it to be recognized. He does it out of duty.
I got a letter on my door the other day, left by the garbage man, telling us who to make our check out to in order to tip none other than the same garbage man that left the note. I am happy to tip my garbage man, don't get me wrong, but I chuckled a little and thought of a great line from The Office:
Dwight: "Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
Well said, Dwight. Well said. :) Not that you should start tipping your doctor, by all means! But I do wish more people would appreciate their doctors instead of complaining about how much money doctors make. Yes, some doctors out there make a lot of money... after, 8 years of school + 4 or more years of residency + 10 years minimum to pay off medical school loans = 22 years or so of dedication, sacrifice on every level and really, really hard work. Okay, I'm done with my rant.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The Amazing Powers of... Slacker Hoodie!
This morning I awoke to a very energetic 4-year-old climbing on my bed asking me to button up his "Army pants" and put on his belt for him. It was after 7:00, but I was still so exhausted. I rolled over, dazed and barely functioning as my numb fingers tried to do up a simple button and belt. I was amazed at how tired I was. I had gotten 7 hours of sleep... well, minus the two times I was up in the night with Ava. So, why so tired? Knowing that Jordan was already downstairs studying for board exams, I sent Beckham down to get his breakfast without me and I fell asleep until 8:30 and didn't roll out of bed until 9:00! And I only got out of bed then because Beckham was urging me to hurry and get ready so he could go to Joy School, which starts at 9:30. Even Ava was still sound asleep in her crib. She really kept me up for quite awhile at 5:00 in the morning, so she was having the luxury of sleeping in while I dragged myself out of bed begrudgingly and threw on none other than a pair of exercise pants with... Slacker Hoodie.
This is my long-standing go-to hoodie on days like today when my energy is already 99% spent. Here's the funny thing about Slacker Hoodie: It doesn't MAKE me a slacker. It tricks me into THINKING I am being a slacker.
Here is my day from the moment I put on Slacker Hoodie to give you a demonstration of it's super powers:
Drove Beckham to Joy School, got home, fed Ava a snack as I cooked Jordan his breakfast (he is home this week studying, so I get to cook him breakfast), fed Ava her breakfast, snuck in a glass of orange juice for myself while she was occupied, cleaned up the breakfast mess that was all over Ava and all surrounding areas, got Ava dressed, made the beds and sorted dirty laundry, finally put on my makeup for the day and fixed my messy ponytail, loaded the baby up in the car and picked Beckham up from Joy School, had a parent's meeting regarding upcoming Joy School events and lessons, drove home, fixed everyone lunch, cleaned up everyone's lunch mess, put Ava down for a nap, painted the wall at the bottom of the stairs while Beckham watched a cartoon, located the Christmas decorations, had a talk with Beckham about the cartoon he was watching and how they weren't talking nicely and how he's not allowed to talk that way, looked up information regarding vehicle licensing and registration and taxes for the states of Maryland (where we live) versus Virginia (where we are legal residents) since our plates expired today from the state of North Carolina (where we used to live) and then made some business phone calls while simultaneously entertaining Beckham, made a grocery list, cleaned the kitchen, got Ava up from her nap and changed her diaper, took the kids grocery shopping, got home and sent Beckham straight to timeout for his poor attitude and disrespectful behavior while grocery shopping, cooked bread and pasta and made a salad for dinner, got everyone into the dining room for dinner, sat down, realized everyone still needed forks... and napkins... and drinks... and Beckham wanted salad, too... and the toppings for the salad... and more bread... all the while I was feeding Ava and running in and out of the kitchen meeting the unlimited needs flying from every direction, then we finished up our dinner, Jordan left to his meeting, I got the kids into the bath and got them ready for bed, fed the baby and laid her in her crib, read Beckham his books and sang Christmas songs and said prayers and then had a discussion with Beckham about how Jesus can hear our prayers and how he knows if we're sorry for knocking over our baby sister (Beckham was really concerned about this), cleaned up the bath mess, came downstairs and sat down at the computer to pay bills and instead typed up this blog to decompress.
Awwwwwhhhhhh....Phewwwwwww...... Breathe.
That's my "slacker day." It's 8:00PM now and I still have to...dum dum dum, bake cookies and pies to donate to the Wounded Warriors program at Fisher House for tomorrow morning, clean up the dinner mess, take out the garbages for trash pick-up, set up automatic bill-pay for a new bill, study and submit two assignments, address and stamp Christmas cards to send out, remember the other thing I was supposed to do tonight and somehow forgot, and then maybe I'll get a chance to FINALLY put those exercise pants to use and get a workout in before the day is through. I could use some yoga tonight. We'll see how tired I am by the time I get to that point in my schedule. I guess I could always do that first. What to do, what to do?!?!
Slacker Hoodie works miracles, I'm convinced. Without having typed this log of today's events I would have never guessed how productive and hard-working I have been. My body seems to think I've been lounging around all day relaxing... All because of... Slacker Hoodie! Thanks again, dear old friend.
Monday, November 29, 2010
My typed journal entry about the kids...
When Beckham was a baby, I took time each month to write about all of the cute things he was doing at that stage in his life. At the time, I remember thinking I would never forget about all of those wonderfully adorable things that he did, but wrote them down anyway, just to have them recorded. Now that he's 4 years old, I am so glad I wrote it all down because I have forgotten so many things so fast! I blame the "mom brain." I am perpetually exhausted and have so many things I have to do and think about all at once that it's amazing my brain hasn't completely short-circuited by now! But, here I am, with very little time for sitting and writing (which is ironic because my degree is in Creative Writing, go figure) and wishing I still took the time to chart those wonderful moments shared between me and my children. I was sitting at the computer paying bills and reminiscing about those quiet moments during Beckham's naps when he was a baby. I would take him on long walks and as soon as he fell asleep I would pull out my journal and quickly jot down as much as I could before he woke up. I no longer have that luxury. If I had only known what a rare thing it was to have a quiet moment, I sure would have appreciated it more. But, here I am, reminiscing, and decided that while I am at my computer I am just going to quickly jot down a few things about each of my kids before I forget. This is for me, so I can some day scroll back down to this post and either print it out or copy it in my journal, but feel free to read on if you dare venture into my long-winded world of writing.
Ava is a very dainty little girl. She likes to stand on her tippy toes as she holds on to furniture, and sometimes even extends one leg behind her with her toe perfectly pointed like a ballerina. When she lets out her little sneezes and I say, "Oh my! Bless you!" she smiles so big and then lets out little pretend sneezes just so I'll say it again. When she's thirsty she does a pretend cough like she's absolutely parched and as soon as she gets what she wants, whether it is water or breastmilk, she takes a drink and then pulls away and gives a devious grin like she just got her way and got the best of you somehow. She loves to play games of peek-a-boo. She will grab anything nearby like a jacket or blanket or toy to put over her face and then pull it off and wait for you to say "boo!" Especially when she is in the bathtub, though, she likes to crouch down and then pop back up with a big smile on her face and wait for that "boo!" When she crawls she likes to be chased, especially by Beckham. We all take turns crawling after her and she giggles and crawls as fast as she can, periodically looking behind her to make sure you're still chasing her, until she face-plants into the floor because she's trying to go faster than her little arms can carry her. She didn't stick with the mushy baby food for too long. She was a late starter with solids, not showing any interest until 6 months (with Beckham we had to start right at 4 months because he was always hungry!), but after a month or two of eating the mushed up food she decided that she was ready for finger foods. She eats so daintily, taking one little tiny piece of food at a time and placing it in her mouth. It can take her over an hour to eat her meal, but if you try to take her out of her highchair before she is done she will scream out in rage and let you know just how upset you have made her. She has very expressive eyes. When she's furious, you can see it in her eyes. Then she becomes instantly happy and you can see that in her eyes too. She loves to drink water out of a glass, not a sippy cup. She gets so excited when she sees me pour a glass of water, letting out a big excited gasp and banging her hands up and down on her high chair. She learned to clap recently. We always clap to cheer for our kids' achievements and one day she picked up on it and started to clap her hands together. Now she claps every time she gets excited. She also likes to eat bugs. It is disgusting. There are these beetles out here in Maryland that are everywhere... kind of like the June bugs in Utah. Anyhow, they are harmless little bugs, but when they sense danger they will let out this odor that smells like Aquanet hairspray... a very strong odor. One day I smelled it, and saw that Ava was making a face... sure enough, it was in her mouth. When I swiped it out of her mouth she was absolutely outraged that I took it from her. I washed her mouth out in the bathtub and thought at least she had learned her lesson about eating bugs. Nope. About a week later she tried it again. Funny girl. I don't remember Beckham ever trying to put so many random things in his mouth. Ava is not quite as adventurous as her brother, but she adores him more than anybody and tries so hard to keep up with him at the park or around the house. She crawls quickly after him wherever he goes. If she starts crawling somewhere we don't want her to go, all we have to do is say, in a stern voice, "Ava, come back" and SHE COMES BACK! Amazing! Beckham would have looked us straight in the face and done exactly the opposite at that age (and now, too!)
Beckham is a wonderful older brother, although he likes to push his little sister around and knock her over quite often. He is in the phase where he insists on dressing himself and he comes up with the most creative outfits. One day he will don his 3D glasses, rocker baseball cap, soccer wrist band, t-shirt, khakis, and fully-loaded backpack, ... The next day he will have on his construction worker hat, a mix of various t-shirts layered on top each other, jeans, and rainboots. He also follows themes. He will dress in all Army one day, all rocker clothes another. He is always very proud of his ensembles. I wake up to him standing over me on my bed showing off the day's outfit. Yesterday I woke up to him standing over me wearing a normal-looking outfit at first glance... then he turned around and I saw the bright orange six-shooters stuffed in his pants at each hip. He is such a funny, cool kid. He loves having popcorn movie parties in the living room, but doesn't like to do them alone - it has to be a social event. He likes to play games where everyone fights with superpowers, like blowing each other away, shocking each other through electrical currents in the ground, freezing each other, shooting spider web nets at each other, etc. In the end, Beckham has all of the superpowers and conquers us all. He also likes to play a game called "Dragon." He hides as you look for the dragon, and then he comes out of his hiding spot and chases you as you scream, "Ahhhhhh, Dragon!!!!" One day I took him to the park... I'll mention here that he had insisted on wearing the Captain America costume to the park that day... and he was a little shy as soon as he saw all of the kids there. He asked me, before we even entered the gates, if I would ask the kids to play with him so he wouldn't have to play alone. But, as soon as we entered the park, all of the kids started to point in awe and say, "Wow, that kid is Captain America!" and "Cool, look at his Captain America costume!" That's all it took for him to break out of his shell. He proudly walked up to the kids, hands on hips in true superhero fashion, and said in his deep "official" voice, "I'm Beckham." Everyone introduced themselves and then they all started playing together. I heard Beckham mention a few times, "I am a big brother because I take care of my baby sister over there," as he pointed in Ava's direction. Pretty soon we had every kid at the park running around playing Dragon with Beckham. The parents all sat on the bench as the sun started to set and joked with me that they needed to hire me to wear out their kids every night before bed. It was a fun day at the park. Beckham is always quite the helper in the kitchen as well. He loves to make smoothies, and has become quite good at doing it himself with very little help. Impressive for a 4-year-old. He has been bringing me breakfast in bed lately, consisting of string cheese and raisins and water. Mmmmm... ha ha ha! Isn't that what everyone loves to eat to start their day? It is hilarious. He is a loving boy, despite his all-boy rambunctiousness and fearless, adventurous spirit and tough kid attitude. He draws me pictures of hearts and says, "it's for love because I love you." He climbs into bed with me anytime Jordan is working at night but doesn't do that when Jordan is home. He is sensitive and caring, which is almost surprising because he is so hard-core himself. He doesn't cry unless he is really badly hurt, yet he is very in tune to everyone else's feelings. He's such a good boy. And smart! He asks so many intelligent questions. The other day he asked Jordan the question, "Dad, what is cell regeneration?" I was impressed. He asks questions like "What is blood made out of?" and "If Heaven is up in the sky, do we take a plane there when we die?" and "Why do people go to a bunch of different churches? Why doesn't everyone go to the same church??" and "Are my eyeballs connected to my brain?" He asks questions all day long, wanting to know about everything. His favorite book right now is one of Jordan's med school anatomy books. What impresses me the very most is the level of questions he asks as he looks through this book. He sounds so intelligent. Well, the kid was born in medical school... the morning of Jordan's first exam... It's no wonder.
We love our kids so much. Of all the things in my life, having kids is by far the greatest thing I have ever done or will do. They are everything to me.
Ava is a very dainty little girl. She likes to stand on her tippy toes as she holds on to furniture, and sometimes even extends one leg behind her with her toe perfectly pointed like a ballerina. When she lets out her little sneezes and I say, "Oh my! Bless you!" she smiles so big and then lets out little pretend sneezes just so I'll say it again. When she's thirsty she does a pretend cough like she's absolutely parched and as soon as she gets what she wants, whether it is water or breastmilk, she takes a drink and then pulls away and gives a devious grin like she just got her way and got the best of you somehow. She loves to play games of peek-a-boo. She will grab anything nearby like a jacket or blanket or toy to put over her face and then pull it off and wait for you to say "boo!" Especially when she is in the bathtub, though, she likes to crouch down and then pop back up with a big smile on her face and wait for that "boo!" When she crawls she likes to be chased, especially by Beckham. We all take turns crawling after her and she giggles and crawls as fast as she can, periodically looking behind her to make sure you're still chasing her, until she face-plants into the floor because she's trying to go faster than her little arms can carry her. She didn't stick with the mushy baby food for too long. She was a late starter with solids, not showing any interest until 6 months (with Beckham we had to start right at 4 months because he was always hungry!), but after a month or two of eating the mushed up food she decided that she was ready for finger foods. She eats so daintily, taking one little tiny piece of food at a time and placing it in her mouth. It can take her over an hour to eat her meal, but if you try to take her out of her highchair before she is done she will scream out in rage and let you know just how upset you have made her. She has very expressive eyes. When she's furious, you can see it in her eyes. Then she becomes instantly happy and you can see that in her eyes too. She loves to drink water out of a glass, not a sippy cup. She gets so excited when she sees me pour a glass of water, letting out a big excited gasp and banging her hands up and down on her high chair. She learned to clap recently. We always clap to cheer for our kids' achievements and one day she picked up on it and started to clap her hands together. Now she claps every time she gets excited. She also likes to eat bugs. It is disgusting. There are these beetles out here in Maryland that are everywhere... kind of like the June bugs in Utah. Anyhow, they are harmless little bugs, but when they sense danger they will let out this odor that smells like Aquanet hairspray... a very strong odor. One day I smelled it, and saw that Ava was making a face... sure enough, it was in her mouth. When I swiped it out of her mouth she was absolutely outraged that I took it from her. I washed her mouth out in the bathtub and thought at least she had learned her lesson about eating bugs. Nope. About a week later she tried it again. Funny girl. I don't remember Beckham ever trying to put so many random things in his mouth. Ava is not quite as adventurous as her brother, but she adores him more than anybody and tries so hard to keep up with him at the park or around the house. She crawls quickly after him wherever he goes. If she starts crawling somewhere we don't want her to go, all we have to do is say, in a stern voice, "Ava, come back" and SHE COMES BACK! Amazing! Beckham would have looked us straight in the face and done exactly the opposite at that age (and now, too!)
Beckham is a wonderful older brother, although he likes to push his little sister around and knock her over quite often. He is in the phase where he insists on dressing himself and he comes up with the most creative outfits. One day he will don his 3D glasses, rocker baseball cap, soccer wrist band, t-shirt, khakis, and fully-loaded backpack, ... The next day he will have on his construction worker hat, a mix of various t-shirts layered on top each other, jeans, and rainboots. He also follows themes. He will dress in all Army one day, all rocker clothes another. He is always very proud of his ensembles. I wake up to him standing over me on my bed showing off the day's outfit. Yesterday I woke up to him standing over me wearing a normal-looking outfit at first glance... then he turned around and I saw the bright orange six-shooters stuffed in his pants at each hip. He is such a funny, cool kid. He loves having popcorn movie parties in the living room, but doesn't like to do them alone - it has to be a social event. He likes to play games where everyone fights with superpowers, like blowing each other away, shocking each other through electrical currents in the ground, freezing each other, shooting spider web nets at each other, etc. In the end, Beckham has all of the superpowers and conquers us all. He also likes to play a game called "Dragon." He hides as you look for the dragon, and then he comes out of his hiding spot and chases you as you scream, "Ahhhhhh, Dragon!!!!" One day I took him to the park... I'll mention here that he had insisted on wearing the Captain America costume to the park that day... and he was a little shy as soon as he saw all of the kids there. He asked me, before we even entered the gates, if I would ask the kids to play with him so he wouldn't have to play alone. But, as soon as we entered the park, all of the kids started to point in awe and say, "Wow, that kid is Captain America!" and "Cool, look at his Captain America costume!" That's all it took for him to break out of his shell. He proudly walked up to the kids, hands on hips in true superhero fashion, and said in his deep "official" voice, "I'm Beckham." Everyone introduced themselves and then they all started playing together. I heard Beckham mention a few times, "I am a big brother because I take care of my baby sister over there," as he pointed in Ava's direction. Pretty soon we had every kid at the park running around playing Dragon with Beckham. The parents all sat on the bench as the sun started to set and joked with me that they needed to hire me to wear out their kids every night before bed. It was a fun day at the park. Beckham is always quite the helper in the kitchen as well. He loves to make smoothies, and has become quite good at doing it himself with very little help. Impressive for a 4-year-old. He has been bringing me breakfast in bed lately, consisting of string cheese and raisins and water. Mmmmm... ha ha ha! Isn't that what everyone loves to eat to start their day? It is hilarious. He is a loving boy, despite his all-boy rambunctiousness and fearless, adventurous spirit and tough kid attitude. He draws me pictures of hearts and says, "it's for love because I love you." He climbs into bed with me anytime Jordan is working at night but doesn't do that when Jordan is home. He is sensitive and caring, which is almost surprising because he is so hard-core himself. He doesn't cry unless he is really badly hurt, yet he is very in tune to everyone else's feelings. He's such a good boy. And smart! He asks so many intelligent questions. The other day he asked Jordan the question, "Dad, what is cell regeneration?" I was impressed. He asks questions like "What is blood made out of?" and "If Heaven is up in the sky, do we take a plane there when we die?" and "Why do people go to a bunch of different churches? Why doesn't everyone go to the same church??" and "Are my eyeballs connected to my brain?" He asks questions all day long, wanting to know about everything. His favorite book right now is one of Jordan's med school anatomy books. What impresses me the very most is the level of questions he asks as he looks through this book. He sounds so intelligent. Well, the kid was born in medical school... the morning of Jordan's first exam... It's no wonder.
We love our kids so much. Of all the things in my life, having kids is by far the greatest thing I have ever done or will do. They are everything to me.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Our upcoming Christmas card...
Merry Montage Christmas
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Saturday, November 20, 2010
Day 30: A recent photo + 3 good things that have happened in the past 30 days...
Here's a comic book version of me in a flea market in NYC just 6 days ago (although it feels longer)... just to mix things up after 30 straight days of regular photographs and long posts.
This daily posting has been fun, though. It has given me a project to work on while avoiding my real, adult responsibilities for 10-15 minutes at a time over the past 30 days, while also adding some color to our blog. So, hopefully I will find some other fun ways to keep our blog up to date. I'll be working on my creative writing classes over the next few months and this blog might be a way to work on my assignments while blogging so it doesn't FEEL like schoolwork. Christmas season is quickly approaching as well, so you know there will be a lot of photos posted regardless.
Oh, so 3 good things that have happened in the past 30 days?
1 - I joined a gym and have started doing yoga again. I walk out of my classes feeling absolutely revived and it is helping a lot with my neck pain and arm/hand numbness on my left side.
2 - On a more personal note, I reconnected with my Heavenly Father through personal prayer. I always pray with the kids at mealtime and bedtime, but I cannot remember how long it has been since I said a personal prayer. Recently, I found a quiet moment at the end of a very difficult day and I poured my heart out. It's amazing how rejuvenating a good pouring out of the heart can be and how it puts everything into perspective. I started out with this "poor me" attitude and ended with an overwhelming feeling of being absolutely blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
3 - I got to go to New York with my family and spend an entire 4 day weekend with my husband for the first time in months!
I look forward to the next 30 days of this coming up holiday season! I'll keep you posted :)
Friday, November 19, 2010
Day 29: Something I could never get tired of doing...
(These photos are all of me holding Beckham over the past FOUR years... Time really flies on by.)
Being a mom...
Holding my babies.
Okay, so my eyes just welled up with tears as I typed that. I'm such a sappy mommy. But that is the one thing that I could do forever and ever. And they just keep growing up. I want to freeze time every time they are in my arms. I love it when Ava falls asleep in my arms and nuzzles up next to me looking so peaceful and happy. I love it when Beckham actually holds still long enough to cuddle with me, even if only for a moment (which is about how long he can hold still for!), before he runs off to save the world fighting "the bad guys."
Every single night, no matter how exhausted I am, I venture into their bedrooms as they sleep and I kiss them on the forehead and stroke their hair and try to take in every aspect of that particular moment because I know that they will be another day older the next time I see them. One day they will be too big for me to hold. I dread that day. I just want to hold them in my arms always.
Being a mom...
Holding my babies.
Okay, so my eyes just welled up with tears as I typed that. I'm such a sappy mommy. But that is the one thing that I could do forever and ever. And they just keep growing up. I want to freeze time every time they are in my arms. I love it when Ava falls asleep in my arms and nuzzles up next to me looking so peaceful and happy. I love it when Beckham actually holds still long enough to cuddle with me, even if only for a moment (which is about how long he can hold still for!), before he runs off to save the world fighting "the bad guys."
Every single night, no matter how exhausted I am, I venture into their bedrooms as they sleep and I kiss them on the forehead and stroke their hair and try to take in every aspect of that particular moment because I know that they will be another day older the next time I see them. One day they will be too big for me to hold. I dread that day. I just want to hold them in my arms always.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Day 28: Favorite Movie?
The Nightmare Before Christmas. Favorite Halloween/Christmas movie.We love movies... One of our most common date night activities is watching movies on our big screen tv (especially since it's something we can do when we can't find a babysitter or are just flat-out exhausted and want to lounge in our pj's on a Saturday night). But, I cannot for the life of me name my #1 Favorite Movie of All Time. It depends so much on what mood I'm in and what I'm basing my critique on. I can tell you what my favorite t-shirt is, or my favorite ice cream, or even my favorite memory. But, with movies, there will have to be THE LIST.
Here are some of my other favorite movies that I can think of right at this moment:
The Godfather (pt. I and II)
Office Space
Rushmore
The Royal Tenenbaums
Australia
Pride and Prejudice
Bridget Jones' Diary
Zoolander
The Jerk
What About Bob?
Love, Actually
He Love Mes, He Loves Me Not
Amelie
I could go downstairs and look at all of our movies and name a dozen more "favorites," but I'm strapped for time and just realized that I only have an hour left to hurry and exercise, shower, get Ava up from her nap, and pick up Beckham from Joy School! My, how the time flies when you finally get a break! I'm sorely disappointed in my list, by the way. I know I must be leaving out so many great movies that I love, but just can't think of all of them at the moment. So, there's my mediocre list. Adios!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Day 27: A photo of me this time last year and now and how I've changed since...
This time last year I was 6 weeks away from having my baby, living in the sunny openness of North Carolina. Jordan had been away for three months straight for his audition rotations with the Army, so this photo must have been taken right about the time that he got back. We had also just moved across town into a brand-spankin-new apartment. We lived in a town with absolutely no sidewalks, but there were a lot of beautiful parks with hiking trails that we would drive to daily. I miss those beautiful trails. Every morning Beckham and I would join our Stroller Strides gang for a run through the park and then stay and play afterward. A lot was going on at the time. Surprisingly, though, I had more energy when I was 8 months pregnant than I have now!
This photo was taken on our recent trip to New York City. With all of the tall buildings, it seems like we were always just out of reach of the sunshine. This year we are living just north of Washington, D.C., and we're now home-owners and have upgraded from a tiny apartment to a 3-story townhouse. We also have two kids instead of one this year. Jordan is no longer a med student; he's in his residency at Walter Reed. I'm still a student - nothing new there - but I'm further along in my schooling than I was last year by just a smidgen, so there is some progress. It's colder here than in North Carolina by about 10-20 degrees at all times. It doesn't seem like much, but I'm not a fan of being cold at all. (Although, I do love getting to wear cute sweaters and scarves and gloves starting in the autumn season instead of waiting until mid-January.) I do love living up here and having all of the experiences of living in our nation's capitol. And Maryland really is a beautiful place to live. We have sidewalks everywhere, so that's a big step up from last year's blithe of no sidewalks anywhere. But, I do miss those North Carolina trails and endless sunshine. Sigh. If only there were a way to combine the two. Meet in the middle. Virginia? Do we dare venture back to our old stomping grounds from our first two years of medical school? It is fun to see where life takes us. I do know we'll still be here for the next few years, but who knows what else will change between now and next year? We'll see.....
Day 26: Somewhere I've been...
Deliriously dizzy and hysterically happy.
Awww, Disney World. The happiest place on earth. These photos are from over two years ago. Beckham was barely 2 years old at the time. Jordan hadn't even begun his 3rd year of medical school. Life seemed a whole lot simpler back then. Every now and then I look back at these photos and just smile and fondly remember how we just couldn't stop laughing hysterically. Then I wonder why we don't have more moments like those in our day to day life. Beckham and I used to laugh together all the time. Lately I feel so exhausted and over-worked as I frantically try to fit everything I have to do into my day. But then I see a photo like this and I want to whisk my kids away to Disney World (or at least the playroom) for some fun. I was going to throw up a photo of our recent trip to New York. It was an absolutely fantastic trip. But then I noticed how tired I look in all of the photos, which is especially bad when you're not photogenic as it is. I was getting kind of depressed realizing how old and tired and frumpy I look in all of my recent photos. I really wanted to put something up that makes me feel energetic rather than drained, something to boost my spirits at the moment. I've been getting over a nasty cold and have a long night ahead of me of studying and doing laundry while Jordan is out working the graveyard shift at the hospital. These are just the sort of photos I need to see right now to give me that energy boost and remind me that it's fun to laugh and that I need to get my kids out for some fun activities tomorrow!
Awww, Disney World. The happiest place on earth. These photos are from over two years ago. Beckham was barely 2 years old at the time. Jordan hadn't even begun his 3rd year of medical school. Life seemed a whole lot simpler back then. Every now and then I look back at these photos and just smile and fondly remember how we just couldn't stop laughing hysterically. Then I wonder why we don't have more moments like those in our day to day life. Beckham and I used to laugh together all the time. Lately I feel so exhausted and over-worked as I frantically try to fit everything I have to do into my day. But then I see a photo like this and I want to whisk my kids away to Disney World (or at least the playroom) for some fun. I was going to throw up a photo of our recent trip to New York. It was an absolutely fantastic trip. But then I noticed how tired I look in all of the photos, which is especially bad when you're not photogenic as it is. I was getting kind of depressed realizing how old and tired and frumpy I look in all of my recent photos. I really wanted to put something up that makes me feel energetic rather than drained, something to boost my spirits at the moment. I've been getting over a nasty cold and have a long night ahead of me of studying and doing laundry while Jordan is out working the graveyard shift at the hospital. These are just the sort of photos I need to see right now to give me that energy boost and remind me that it's fun to laugh and that I need to get my kids out for some fun activities tomorrow!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Day 25: "What's in your purse?"
In my diaper bag, I always carry the following:
set of clothes for Ava
socks and underwear for Beckham
bib
changing pad
at least 3-4 diapers
wipes
rash creme
baggies
hand sanitizer
hand lotion
aquaphor for kids' chapped cheeks
nail file
mini first aid kit
various snacks for kids
water bottle
wallet
SPF lip gloss
gum
pen and small notebook
sometimes my planner
phone
keys
sunglasses
tissues
nursing cover-up blanket
baby sunblock SPF 50 or above
crumpled up receipts
an old grocery list or two
quarters for meters or kid rides
mini umbrella (when I remember it)
ponytail holder and bobby pin
a toy car
a board book
two cough drops
and a partridge in a pear tree
Yes, it is indeed the Mary Poppins bag. It is an endless supply of anything I might need on my outings with the kids. Sometimes we get some additional creative things thrown in there like sea shells, rocks, artwork, and dandelions, courtesy of Beckham.
Well, Mary Poppins has to go magically clean the house and put the kids to bed before running off with the chimney sweeper to hallucinogenic lands most likely created by mixing a spoonful of sugar with whatever is in that "medicine." Cheers!
Day 24: A photo of something that means everything to me...
No matter what else is going on in this life, no matter what chaos is around us or what tragedies befall us, there is the hope of eternal life with our eternal families. I am so fortunate to be married to such a wonderful man and to have this blessing of eternal marriage, eternal family. Recently I met a sweet woman who had just lost her husband to drug abuse. She is a devout Christian, he suffered the horrors of addiction and depression. She had faith that she would see him again in the afterlife, but she was so distraught by one aspect of this belief. She had always been taught that in the afterlife we are all brothers and sisters but that our personal relationships here on earth are obsolete. She told me how she felt selfish for wishing she could have him as her husband up in heaven. That was the first time it ever dawned on me that people of other faiths don't necessarily believe in eternal marriage and companionship. I hurt for her. I told her that I had always been taught and believed with all my heart that we get to be with our loved ones in the same regard that we knew them here on earth - our spouse will still be our spouse, our children will still be our children, and so on. Looking back I wish I would have shared more with her about this, but I was too chicken to open up and have one of those "missionary moments." But, I think about her every now and then and hope that she has found comfort and answers to her questions through prayer. One thing that always gives me hope is knowing that my marriage is eternal. That knowledge is so important to me. Once I had a nightmare that I was driving down the road and there was suddenly a huge explosion ahead of me and then I watched as the debris and cars ahead of me hit me with an incredible force and threw me backward. In this nightmare, my first thought as I knew of my imminent death was, "I hope Jordan finds me in heaven." I know it's kind of morbid dreaming of my own destruction, but I actually woke up feeling a little comforted knowing that eternal families are a reality. I can't think of anything of more value and importance in my life.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Day 23: 15 facts about... all of us...
1: We just got back from New York City late last night.
2: Beckham's favorite games to play involve wrestling, tackling, and using his "super powers"
3: Jordan graduated from Medical School in May and is now in his Internship year of an Ophthalmology Residency in the Army... one of the most competitive Residencies to get into in the Army (only 6 spots available)... but he's too humble to take any credit for his genius mind so I'll tell you here - the man is a genius.
4: Erin is slowly finishing a degree in Creative Writing, and has been working on a book here and there but is hesitant to publish right away
5: We just bought our first house north of Washington, D.C.
6: We order pizza at least 3 times per month and always include pizza night with movie night - the Papa Johns delivery guy knows the way to our house by heart
7: We hope to take a trip out to the UK in the near future to see castles, premier league soccer, and the Loch Ness Monster.
8: Our extended family (siblings and parents) live all across the Western United States in Hawaii, Washington, California, Montana, Arizona, Utah... we love the East Coast, but considering that everyone lives out West, we might just have to move to Washington some day.
9: We are on our way to Baltimore right now, so I better hurry and come up with a few more facts just off the top of my head...
10: I love to cook with cracked pepper... mmmmm....
11: Beckham has inspired me to want to become a Preschool or Kindergarten teacher
12: Ava is such a sweet baby - she loves to imitate Beckham whenever he hollers "DAAAAAD..."
13: We miss our family... fortunately we have gotten to spend the past week with Zach and Alyse and their sweet baby Ezra... now to get the rest of you out here to see us!
14: Beckham has always insisted on having me sing to him before he goes to bed, ever since he was a baby. Ava, on the other hand, does not like it at all. She insists on total quiet in her bedroom right before bed.
15: I love studying the subject of Linguistic Anthropology and would love to get a PhD in it some day when I have the freedom to move to one of the few Universities that offer it. In the meantime I need to dedicate some serious study to some languages. I have studied Spanish, Italian, Swahili, Mandarin, French... am I leaving anything out? I know very little of each of these languages, actually. I need to choose one and stick with it for 5 years at a time!
2: Beckham's favorite games to play involve wrestling, tackling, and using his "super powers"
3: Jordan graduated from Medical School in May and is now in his Internship year of an Ophthalmology Residency in the Army... one of the most competitive Residencies to get into in the Army (only 6 spots available)... but he's too humble to take any credit for his genius mind so I'll tell you here - the man is a genius.
4: Erin is slowly finishing a degree in Creative Writing, and has been working on a book here and there but is hesitant to publish right away
5: We just bought our first house north of Washington, D.C.
6: We order pizza at least 3 times per month and always include pizza night with movie night - the Papa Johns delivery guy knows the way to our house by heart
7: We hope to take a trip out to the UK in the near future to see castles, premier league soccer, and the Loch Ness Monster.
8: Our extended family (siblings and parents) live all across the Western United States in Hawaii, Washington, California, Montana, Arizona, Utah... we love the East Coast, but considering that everyone lives out West, we might just have to move to Washington some day.
9: We are on our way to Baltimore right now, so I better hurry and come up with a few more facts just off the top of my head...
10: I love to cook with cracked pepper... mmmmm....
11: Beckham has inspired me to want to become a Preschool or Kindergarten teacher
12: Ava is such a sweet baby - she loves to imitate Beckham whenever he hollers "DAAAAAD..."
13: We miss our family... fortunately we have gotten to spend the past week with Zach and Alyse and their sweet baby Ezra... now to get the rest of you out here to see us!
14: Beckham has always insisted on having me sing to him before he goes to bed, ever since he was a baby. Ava, on the other hand, does not like it at all. She insists on total quiet in her bedroom right before bed.
15: I love studying the subject of Linguistic Anthropology and would love to get a PhD in it some day when I have the freedom to move to one of the few Universities that offer it. In the meantime I need to dedicate some serious study to some languages. I have studied Spanish, Italian, Swahili, Mandarin, French... am I leaving anything out? I know very little of each of these languages, actually. I need to choose one and stick with it for 5 years at a time!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Day 21: A photo of something that makes me happy
Brightly colored flowers and Mango Sorbet.
Both of those things bring a smile to my face every single time. I absolutely delight in every small bite of that wonderfully delicious sorbet. And it helps that it is orange, which is such a cheerful color. Just a few small bites and you feel like you've treated yourself to an intricate delicacy. Mmmmm... just thinking about it makes me happy. Although, be warned, if you try to eat even half of the pint in one sitting, as I have most certainly done, you will have a sugar high for the rest of the day (and night!) I cannot tell you how jittery it made me. But, a few small bites... wonderful!
As far as the flowers go... well, what can I say? I'm a sucker for flowers. For any occasion. I can try to stay mad at Jordan for some petty argument (and my stubbornness usually has me going for some time), but as soon as he shows up with flowers, my heart melts and I smile at him (no matter how hard I try not to at times). I love flowers. Brightly colored bouquets year-round just make my heart happy. Right now I have an autumn display of daisies and lilies in my foyer. I've trained Beckham well. Every time we enter a store that has a flower display, he asks me, "Mom, can I go pick out some pretty flowers for you?" I love it! Every now and then I let him go over and pick something out for me... I mean, who wouldn't?
Friday, November 5, 2010
Day 19: Another picture + Day 20: The meaning behind our blog name
I'm doing tomorrow's post along with today's because they seem to go together nicely. The photos above demonstrate part of the reason we named our blog "in constant motion." Most of our photos are action shots. Now let me see if I can explain all of the many reasons behind this multifaceted name.
Reason #1: It started out simple enough. We are always busy doing something, we are an active, on-the-go family, so we thought the name "in constant motion" fit our family pretty well. But, the more I think about it, the more reasons I can think of why this is a great name for our blog.
2: When Jordan got off his mission, we found that we were still crazy about each other. For those of you who aren't familiar with our story, I'll give you the condensed run-on sentence version. We met in high school, started dating casually, eventually could no longer deny that we had fallen in love and got more serious, which inevitably led to us breaking up since we were just too young to take the relationship anywhere, then I got engaged to someone else somewhere in that time, Jordan told me he was still in love with me the day after I got engaged, which made me admit that I was still madly in love with him, so I broke off the engagement, Jordan left on his mission a few weeks later and we decided that when he got back we would at least give a relationship a shot. Phew. So, for two years I anticipated the day that we would "at least give a relationship a shot." When Jordan got home, he was in no hurry to do that, though. He wanted to date everyone under the sun, except for me ironically enough. I was fed up with dating everyone under the sun and only wanted to date the man I had been madly in love with for years. I had dated for two years while still loving Jordan. It just wasn't fun for me. So, I tried to date while he was out dating, and I just couldn't do it anymore. So, I sat and twiddled my thumbs and waited for him to want to date me. When I asked him why he was so hesitant to date someone he claimed to love, his response was an analogy. He told me that he knew he loved me, but our relationship was like a ball at the top of a hill. He knew that as soon as that ball started rolling, it would just keep rolling faster and faster and we wouldn't be able to stop it. He knew we'd continue to fall in love more and more, get more serious, and eventually have to get married. OH MY! That would be horrible! Ha ha ha! At the time I thought of many worse things than two people falling in love and getting married. Besides, I wasn't in a hurry to get married, so I assured him that we could just date and be together. He was wiser than I, though. It turned out he was right. When we did eventually start dating one another, we did indeed get more and more serious, and you know the rest of the story. We got married and had two babies :) That ball is still in constant motion. Life keeps moving forward and we are rolling with it, falling more and more in love, and seeing where this rolling ball will take us next.
3: Also, we seem to always be moving forward in life on to the next step with school and career and building a family, never quite falling into a set routine. We've always been students. It actually seems strange to think that one day we will be settled in a home in a town in our set careers. Life is always changing, though. That is something we can count on. Life is always in constant motion.
4: We just don't sit still. Beckham is always running and climbing and getting into something, Ava is now following in his footsteps, and I keep up with them. Once they are asleep, that is my time to catch up on everything else, so I still don't sit still. Jordan blames me for our children's inability to sit still since I am on my feet around the clock and he says they just follow my example, but he isn't much different. He works long hours as an intern, whether it's 30 hours straight or 12 hours straight, and then he comes home and will take off for a quick run, do some pushups and situps, help with the kids, clean up the dinner dishes, and only then will he finally sit still... most of the time to do some studying (because he is a nerd - and nerds are the coolest!)
5: Then there's that constantly changing mind of mine. I've never quite settled on a major over the past decade... I am afraid to close any doors to any of my options, so I am always studying something new all of the time. The more I get myself thinking about what I want to accomplish with my studies, the more the wheels get turning, and before you know it, I have four or five majors that I want to work on (simultaneously!) and just as many careers.
6: Also, I can't get my mind to hold still. I'm working on it, but this has always been a huge challenge for me. I will be teaching my Joy School class thinking about what studying I have to do later that day. I'll be studying thinking about what chores I have to get done. I'll be doing chores thinking about how I I'd rather be in a yoga class. I'll be in yoga class picturing myself running. And I'll be running thinking about anything else. All the while I'm juggling two kids and managing our household and trying to keep all the balls I'm juggling up in the air. I need to learn the art of stillness. Stillness of mind and body. Living in the moment. Yoga is very good for me in this regard. It is teaching me to live in the moment. With young children, especially, you have to learn to live in the moment because they grow up so fast. Kids have this skill down beautifully. They just intuitively know how to play, how to live, how to be. They truly live life to the fullest without any regard to all of those many other things they could be doing. I'm trying to follow their example.
7: We also relocate a lot. In the 7 years we've been married, Jordan and I have moved 9 times and have lived in 5 different states across the country, sometimes for fun, sometimes for school and career.
8: We also take a lot of random trips. We take road trips across the country, to the beach, Disney World, the zoo, the deep south, the northeast, anywhere. Last fall we took a random roadtrip across North Carolina just so we could go to an indoor waterpark in the middle of the winter in the last month of my pregnancy because we really wanted to go swimming. We like life's little adventures. Next week we are taking the train up to New York while family is in town visiting. The week after that I'm taking the kids down to North Carolina to visit some good friends we met while living in Fayetteville. It's always fun to just take off and do something different. Eventually we'll expand our travels all over the world.
9: If you read the post below about what I crave, you'll see that I actually crave constant motion and freedom - my happy place is running through a sunny field. I'm kind of neurotic and just that image of running helps to free me from the constraints and stresses I put upon myself. My mind and body are in constant motion. I cannot tell you how many times I lay awake at 4AM because I can't turn off my mind. No, I should not be diagnosed with a case of ADHD. I just have so much to think about and when it's finally still and quiet throughout the house, that's when my thoughts let loose.
10: And on a final note, once in a dance class the instructor told us to stand perfectly still, on both feet, and close our eyes. It was surprisingly difficult to hold "perfectly still." She explained that no matter how hard we try to still our bodies, we are always in motion even when we don't realize it. The earth is always in motion. One constant in this world is motion. Everything is in motion. Constant motion.
So, there you have it. We are "in constant motion."
P.S. I'm sorry if this post is long and disorganized and not written very well. I tried to start it yesterday while juggling two kids and preparing lunch, and then decided I'd better go through and edit it today so it wasn't so scatter-brained, but I think I actually made it worse! I'll just let it be. I do much better when I type these blogs in the middle of the night :)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Day 18: Something I crave a lot...
Sunshine... Warmth...Dance...
...Running and leaping through an open field in the middle of no where on a bright, sunny day.
Those are things I crave all the time, actually. That sunny field is my happy place when I need to get through anything from labor pains to being in the tight MRI machine for an hour to trying to coax my body into falling asleep after a particularly stressful day. When I'm meditating in my yoga class and the instructor tells us to take our minds to some place relaxing, I'm immediately running and gliding through that sunny field. I took the kids inside the house today after grocery shopping and then quickly ran outside to get the mail. It felt so good to just run! I wasn't loaded down with kids and a diaper bag and all sorts of random things filling up my arms. I realized that it has been a really long time since I was able to just take off running, by myself, with nothing to hold me down (I'm completely referring to that heavy diaper bag! It comes with me everywhere I go!) I really crave that fresh air, that freedom, that exhilaration that comes from running with the cool breeze blowing against your skin as your legs just carry you forward effortlessly. I used to dream about it a lot in college when I would get particularly stressed about my lack of time to do everything that I needed to do. Once I dreamed that I ran across the entire country in order to see Jordan in Kentucky. Last night I dreamed that I was running but I was holding a white ball of some sort and it kept slipping out of my hands as I ran, so I would fumble for it and try to keep it from falling. If there are any dream interpreters out there, maybe you can help me with this recurring dream I have about running. Keep in mind, I am NOT a runner.
Anyhow, that's my post for today.
...Running and leaping through an open field in the middle of no where on a bright, sunny day.
Those are things I crave all the time, actually. That sunny field is my happy place when I need to get through anything from labor pains to being in the tight MRI machine for an hour to trying to coax my body into falling asleep after a particularly stressful day. When I'm meditating in my yoga class and the instructor tells us to take our minds to some place relaxing, I'm immediately running and gliding through that sunny field. I took the kids inside the house today after grocery shopping and then quickly ran outside to get the mail. It felt so good to just run! I wasn't loaded down with kids and a diaper bag and all sorts of random things filling up my arms. I realized that it has been a really long time since I was able to just take off running, by myself, with nothing to hold me down (I'm completely referring to that heavy diaper bag! It comes with me everywhere I go!) I really crave that fresh air, that freedom, that exhilaration that comes from running with the cool breeze blowing against your skin as your legs just carry you forward effortlessly. I used to dream about it a lot in college when I would get particularly stressed about my lack of time to do everything that I needed to do. Once I dreamed that I ran across the entire country in order to see Jordan in Kentucky. Last night I dreamed that I was running but I was holding a white ball of some sort and it kept slipping out of my hands as I ran, so I would fumble for it and try to keep it from falling. If there are any dream interpreters out there, maybe you can help me with this recurring dream I have about running. Keep in mind, I am NOT a runner.
Anyhow, that's my post for today.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Day 17: A photo of our family
Here we are, Halloween 2010. Beckham was so excited to be Captain America. He went through about 5 or 6 different costume ideas over the course of the month, and then when we went to buy the costume he had finally settled on (Iron Man) he came up with 3 or 4 more ideas of what he wanted to be. But, as soon as he saw the Captain America costume he was sold. He forgot all of his other ideas and grabbed that one and headed straight for the register.
Ava's costume was purchased before she was even born. I was 7 months pregnant last Halloween, and the week after Halloween I saw the monster costume on clearance for something like $2. It is so cute on her!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Day 16: my celebrity crush... really, that's the name of this post.
Jordan makes fun of me for the actors that I find sexy in movies that we watch. It's never the leading man who is out saving the world with his masculinity and good looks. It's usually the sweet, sensitive guy. Jordan just doesn't get why I would find "that guy" good-looking. Here are a couple of examples right off the bat:
Jeffrey Dean and Colin Firth are two such examples. Notice they are both from the UK. I admit, it's the accent. At first glance, they really don't strike me as especially attractive, but the characters they have played have made me swoon. Yes, I said "swoon." I'm exaggerating, of course. I'm the last person you will ever find reading People Magazine and the tabloids to find out who is dating who in Hollywood. I could care less. But, since today's blog is designated FOR me, by the powers that be, as "my celebrity crush," I thought I would at least put my input out there. The reason I find these particular actors so swoon-worthy (there, I said it again) is because their characters, at least in the movies I have seen them in, are so soulful and deep in a quiet, introspective way. The characters are intelligent, kind, humble, practical yet with a slight hint of romanticism. They are manly yet secretively sensitive.
And now I've pinpointed why I find their characters attractive - it is the same things that made me fall for Jordan. With one difference. At first glance, Jordan IS a very, very good-looking guy. But then he has that added bonus of having a very attractive personality as well. I vowed to not fall for Jordan when I met him because he was so good looking. Once I started talking with him, I couldn't help it. The more time I spent with him, the more I couldn't resist his charm. The beauty of it is that he wasn't TRYING to be charming (well, maybe a little bit). I'm very attracted to that natural goodness in him. Jordan probably gets embarrassed by me posting about him all the time, but if he has something to say he can go ahead and refute all of my claims of him being Prince Charming by posting something on this blog himself. The fact of the matter is, I'm really happy that I got to marry the man of my dreams. No amount of fantasizing about some "dreamy" actor can replace the fact that I get a real-life dreamy man to call my husband. Now that is what I call swooning.
Jeffrey Dean and Colin Firth are two such examples. Notice they are both from the UK. I admit, it's the accent. At first glance, they really don't strike me as especially attractive, but the characters they have played have made me swoon. Yes, I said "swoon." I'm exaggerating, of course. I'm the last person you will ever find reading People Magazine and the tabloids to find out who is dating who in Hollywood. I could care less. But, since today's blog is designated FOR me, by the powers that be, as "my celebrity crush," I thought I would at least put my input out there. The reason I find these particular actors so swoon-worthy (there, I said it again) is because their characters, at least in the movies I have seen them in, are so soulful and deep in a quiet, introspective way. The characters are intelligent, kind, humble, practical yet with a slight hint of romanticism. They are manly yet secretively sensitive.
And now I've pinpointed why I find their characters attractive - it is the same things that made me fall for Jordan. With one difference. At first glance, Jordan IS a very, very good-looking guy. But then he has that added bonus of having a very attractive personality as well. I vowed to not fall for Jordan when I met him because he was so good looking. Once I started talking with him, I couldn't help it. The more time I spent with him, the more I couldn't resist his charm. The beauty of it is that he wasn't TRYING to be charming (well, maybe a little bit). I'm very attracted to that natural goodness in him. Jordan probably gets embarrassed by me posting about him all the time, but if he has something to say he can go ahead and refute all of my claims of him being Prince Charming by posting something on this blog himself. The fact of the matter is, I'm really happy that I got to marry the man of my dreams. No amount of fantasizing about some "dreamy" actor can replace the fact that I get a real-life dreamy man to call my husband. Now that is what I call swooning.
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